I wrote a verse

Discuss any questions in English. Practise your writing skills.

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VictorB
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#101

Сообщение VictorB »

Chaika пишет: 19 июл 2021, 03:03 Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
LOL! On reading this verse alone, you'll never get even approximately the idea of killing something called the Jabberwock with "vorpal sword", which was swell:
And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
On the whole, a stellar example of masterful rhyming! The nonce words only make the read more entertaining:)))
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#102

Сообщение chelovekdimka »

I'm a loser,
One Step Closer.
So much fate,
Just a mate.
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#103

Сообщение Michelangelo »

chelovekdimka пишет: 28 июл 2021, 18:18 Just a mate
check and mate
chelovekdimka пишет: 28 июл 2021, 18:18 One Step Closer.
One Step Clooser
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#104

Сообщение VictorB »

chelovekdimka пишет: 28 июл 2021, 18:18 'm a loser,
One Step Closer.
So much fate,
Just a mate.
Michelangelo пишет: 29 июл 2021, 09:35 check and mate
Michelangelo пишет: 29 июл 2021, 09:35 One Step Clooser
I am a lousy loser,
Being one step from checkmate.
Of my fate not a chooser,
I can't but myself hate.
Последний раз редактировалось Aksamitka 29 июл 2021, 15:02, всего редактировалось 1 раз.
Причина: исправлена опечатка
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#105

Сообщение acapnotic »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 11:17 I am a lousy loser
And my own abuser
Driven by my fate
To the last checkmate.
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#106

Сообщение VictorB »

acapnotic пишет: 29 июл 2021, 13:13 And my own abuser
Driven by my fate
To the last checkmate.
I like this rhyme for "loser"!
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Yours is a great verse, but I can't help suggesting this version:

I am a lousy loser
And fucking self-abuser,
Who, driven by grim fate,
Goes to his last checkmate.

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#107

Сообщение acapnotic »

VictorB, a good one. Also the rhythm is better, because my version actually requires "I'm", not "I am".

But I think this fate/checkmate poem beats us both. Found it here.
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As April light, as gilded sun her hair

And I the helpless bloom that turns its face

To follow it, admitting not the snare

That tightens slowly, cruelest embrace

And harshest sweetness. Free as air she moves

But I, deep-rooted in the hungry earth

Am bound about with shadow-- she reproves

In gentleness, and I degrade in worth.

For what is left but horror and decay

When dying soul succumbs to ruthless fate?

Once left deprived of her sustaining Day,

I move in darkness to the last checkmate

And shield my aching eyes, and turn my sight,

Turn back towards the uncreated night.
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#108

Сообщение chelovekdimka »

i luv beatles
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#109

Сообщение VictorB »

acapnotic пишет: 29 июл 2021, 14:51 But I think this fate/checkmate poem beats us both.
Well, the rhymes and rhythm are okay, and so is the word choice, but as a piece of poetry, it's too allegorically poetic (or poetically allegoric) for my somewhat questionable literary taste. I'll tell you more: Saying that I completely made heads or tails of it on the first read would be a mild exaggeration.
As for the link to it, is it to the site you frequent? Are you reading that novel? If yes, is it worth giving a go?
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#110

Сообщение VictorB »

chelovekdimka пишет: 29 июл 2021, 15:27 i luv beatles
chelovekdimka,
So? You're a poet or what? Go on, for example:
I love the Beatles
More than Mars and Skittles

:-)
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#111

Сообщение acapnotic »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 15:38 As for the link to it, is it to the site you frequent? Are you reading that novel?
No, just came across it accidentally. Usually if song lyrics or poetry sound enigmatic, it only adds to their charm for me. Not when they are absolutely meaningless, or course.
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#112

Сообщение chelovekdimka »

Blow a kiss
fire a gun
all we need is...
Leanon
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#113

Сообщение VictorB »

chelovekdimka пишет: 29 июл 2021, 17:38 all we need is...
Leanon
In the song, it's "someone to lean on", not John Lennon from The Beatles you said you love:-)
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#114

Сообщение VictorB »

chelovekdimka пишет: 28 июл 2021, 18:18 I'm a loser,
One Step Closer.
Michelangelo пишет: 29 июл 2021, 09:35 One Step Clooser
By the way, loser and closer are sight rhymes: they look like they should rhyme—based on their endings being spelled the same.
Here go a couple of examples of such rhyming in my favorite poems by Rudyard Kipling:
#1
Here where men say my name was made, here where my work was done;
Here where my dearest dead are laid--my wife--my wife and son;
Here where time, custom, grief and toil, age, memory, service, love,
Have rooted me in British soil. Ah, how can I remove?

#2
They wiped out all that they could find
Of beauty and strength and worth,
But they could not wipe out the Viking's Wind
That brings the ships from the North.

And here's one by Robert Burns:
Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North,
The birth-place of valour, the country of worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.
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#115

Сообщение acapnotic »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 18:47sight rhymes
Looks like cheating to me.
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#116

Сообщение acapnotic »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 15:47 I love the Beatles
More than Mars and Skittles
I would have loved The Beatles
If they had eaten beetles,
If they had swallowed bugs
And shreds of rotten rugs.
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#117

Сообщение VictorB »

acapnotic пишет: 29 июл 2021, 19:37 I would have loved The Beatles
If they had eaten beetles,
If they had swallowed bugs
And shreds of rotten rugs.
LOL! +1, of course)
The search for the rhyme for The Beatles other than beetles and skittles almost killed me:-)
The limericks-like, somewhat odd verse is all I could come up with in the long run.
They said that one boy from The Beatles
Had once been a cutie with teettles.
But after her dad could afford operation,
The four of them met to become a sensation.

:-)
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#118

Сообщение Yety »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 18:47sight rhymes
R. Kipling
Here where time, custom, grief and toil, age, memory, service, love,
Have rooted me in British soil. Ah, how can I remove
In the times of Kipling 'love' and 'remove' were sight rhymes, or "eye" rhymes, all right.
But he might've been trying to mimick the way they would pronounce and rhyme words during Shakespeare's epoch.
At least, 'lov'd' and 'prov'd' used to rhyme as 'luvvd' and 'pruvvd':

The same pronunciation logic should apply (have applied) to 'move'.
https://english.stackexchange.com/quest ... nets/73660
If you believe David Crystal's reconstructions of Elizabethan pronunciation, you can check out the Romeo and Juliet recording on this page. There both "love" and "remove" are pronounced with a vowel very much like that in the modern "love", but shorter. I know his work is well-respected enough that the Globe has used it in a few productions, but I believe it's not universally agreed with, so treat this with a moderate amount of skepticism.
VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 18:47 here's one by Robert Burns:
Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North,
The birth-place of valour, the country of worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.
It is noticeable that the rhymes are either weak or are “eye” rhymes. North and worth, rove and love, woods and floods. However, in dialect and especially when sung these are not noticeable. Burns also used the rhymes woods and floods in his famous poem “Tam o’Shanter” and many other poems.
You can check how both of these claims work in a song sung with a distinct Scottish accent:
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#119

Сообщение VictorB »

Yety пишет: 29 июл 2021, 21:15 But he might've been trying to mimick the way they would pronounce and rhyme words during Shakespeare's epoch.
Thanks for the links. The video of dad and son sharing real passion for the history of their mother tongue has touched me deeply...
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#120

Сообщение Yety »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 21:34 dad and son sharing
The Crystals rule!
How it all worked out..
https://www.wnyc.org/story/olivier-had- ... unciation/

Just in case you missed the alternative explanation:
This resource indicates that the love/move/prove rhyme results from a change in pronunciation, but does not say which words changed.

According to "Early Modern English" by Charles Laurence Barber, the vowel o in love had already reached its current pronunciation /lʌv/ (same sound as in cup, luck), but an alternative pronunciation /lu:v/ was in common use by poets (same sound as in blue).
In fact, this was the explanation I was expecting to find before I stumbled upon the Crystals' masterful performance.
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#121

Сообщение acapnotic »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 20:59teettles.
Where did you find it? Couldn't google up any definition.
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#122

Сообщение VictorB »

acapnotic пишет: 29 июл 2021, 21:57 Where did you find it? Couldn't google up any definition.
ROFL! And what if I thought it up, a nonce word (tits-titties-teetles)? What would you say to that?
OMG, I'm still laughing! To save the intrigue, did you try the Urban dictionary? )))
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#123

Сообщение VictorB »

acapnotic,
VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 22:25 did you try the Urban dictionary?
Also, I was playing with vittles (5), but the downvotes given to it made me decide against it, for if I'd chosen it, the already somewhat crude verse might've become even cruder:)
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#124

Сообщение Yety »

VictorB пишет: 29 июл 2021, 22:39vittles
And what's crude about it?
Vittles as victuals?
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#125

Сообщение VictorB »

Yety пишет: 29 июл 2021, 22:49 And what's crude about it?
Vittles as victuals?
Victuals as food supply is not how definition Five of vittles in the Urban Dictionary reads:)
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