The novice begins to

Discuss any questions in English. Practise your writing skills.

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#76

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 18 июн 2020, 13:58 It often does, especially if the person has at least half a brain.
You just motivate people to hide them, especially from you.
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#77

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 18 июн 2020, 15:42 You just motivate people to hide them, especially from you.
True, it could go this way too. It's not always the most efficient approach to be straightforward.
But some people could definitely handle it. In fact, some people need to hear it in exactly that way - just to deflate the magnitude of their issues.
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#78

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 18 июн 2020, 13:58 Stop indulging yourself. Just stop it.
Perhaps many people who need phychological help don't seek it because they expect a reaction like that. They are afraid of being ridiculed and despised for having their 'weird' problems. What you actually say is "Shut up and go through the motions as you have all your life". Because a neurotic person doesn't know any other way of living. He can "just stop it" only by ceasing to live. Actually this is why he wants to do so.

"There is nothing wrong with you" to him means "there is no alternative". That his, in the long run, miserable existence is all there is to life. Because he doesn't know any other life but his. It's his only experience of living. So if it's normal, then to hell with living at all.
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#79

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic, let's stage an experiment, okay? I'm actually quite curious what will happen.

Here are a few sentences. Do you think you could read them (maybe even out loud) and tell me how they make you feel?
You don't have to answer, of course, or you can answer in PM. I realize I'm way overstepping your personal boundaries. :-)

So here:
I’m not that much different from everyone else. I have my idiosyncrasies but so does everybody. I do some things better than other people, but then I’m worse at other things. In the end, it all averages out. It's normal. There’s nothing special about my life that would set me apart from the crowd. I'm just a human being, like everyone else. I'm no different.
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#80

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 19 июн 2020, 11:34 Do you think you could read them (maybe even out loud) and tell me how they make you feel?
Some of them are true, but not the message that they convey. The fact that we are all human beings doesn't matter much -- exactly because we are all human beings. It's the differences between us that determine the difference in our achievements and in our satisfaction with life. In what really matters, we are different. Some people cope with life better and some worse, for various reasons. One of them is how many 'dislocations' there are in their psychic structure. Obviously those who believe that they are Napoleons have the most, but the number doesn't have to be so big to pose a problem. Psychic problems are as real as are physical ones. After all, the brain is material. How we behave is determined by its structure.

The fact that I have those 'dislocations' doesn't make me special. Many people have them. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to find them out and get rid of them.
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#81

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic, fair enough. But you haven't answered my question. How do those words make you feel as you're saying them? Even physically. How's your body responding?

Should I add the obligatory "there is no right or wrong answer"? :-) There isn't.
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#82

Сообщение mustang »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 19 июн 2020, 15:24 How do those words make you feel as you're saying them? Even physically. How's your body responding?
Wanna puke.
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#83

Сообщение mustang »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 19 июн 2020, 11:34 I’m not that much different from everyone else. I have my idiosyncrasies but so does everybody. I do some things better than other people, but then I’m worse at other things. In the end, it all averages out. It's normal. There’s nothing special about my life that would set me apart from the crowd. I'm just a human being, like everyone else. I'm no different.
There's definitely a better way to live your life. Can't think of anything worse than a lifetime of self-imposed mediocrity. The author of that pathetic hymn to being like everyone else has yet to learn that we are all different intellectually, spiritually, physically and as a result, some of us are more "equal" than others in terms of EQ/income level/ physical appearance, etc.



Here's another one for you, Bree.

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#84

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 19 июн 2020, 15:24 How do those words make you feel as you're saying them?
I don't seem to feel anything at all. No strong response.
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#85

Сообщение mustang »

acapnotic пишет: 19 июн 2020, 16:35 I don't seem to feel anything at all. No strong response.
Lucky you. And I am hungry now... (see#82)
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#86

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 19 июн 2020, 16:35 I don't seem to feel anything at all. No strong response.
Cool, thanks! Resentment along the lines of what mustang has experienced would be more typical. Most people don’t want to be a generic no one – and it’s quite normal. We want to be acknowledged and valued as unique individuals. Sometimes it can work against us, though.
trying to figure out what is going on in me and whether I can fix it.
While the former is fine, the latter is not. Observe, but remain non-judgmental. If you build your identity on feeling damaged and dysfunctional, you’ll become dependent on that feeling and never get rid of it. It’s a vicious circle. You speak of self-compassion, but what does it really mean? Accepting yourself just the way you are, warts and all. If you go far enough with these fixing projects, peace with yourself will become evermore elusive. You won’t even know who you are if you suddenly cease feeling damaged and miserable.
Isn't enjoying feeling damaged a dislocation? Shouldn't it be fixed?
Not sure. Some people are quite happy being unhappy. If they can’t find anything else that makes them special, then it’s better than nothing, I suppose.

Your dislocation is looking for dislocations. I have some ideas as to why you are doing this, but I don’t know you well enough to be certain. The way out of it is to decrease the importance of self with all its issues. Everybody has issues, big deal. If you are going to focus on them the way you're doing now, you’ll blow them out of all proportions and miss out on lots of other fun things in life. Okay, you’ve spent some quality time with yourself. Move on. Get a dog, a wife, something. Focus on them instead.
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#87

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 00:45 While the former is fine, the latter is not.
How so? A little earlier you wrote there's nothing wrong with fixing a dislocated ankle, and now you are saying it's not fine. Do you secretly enjoy contradicting yourself? :)
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 00:45 You speak of self-compassion, but what does it really mean? Accepting yourself just the way you are, warts and all.
Yes, but I don't think it also implies staying forever where you find yourself. Is stagnation your ideal? Why shouldn't I let go of ideas that I consider wrong? Of course it's not done in a minute, since they are there for a reason. They perform a function, maybe as a part of some defense structure. But they are wrong and should be eventually removed. How? Not by suppressing them, of course. Revealing their presence, their function and the consequences they have may help me clearly see that they do more harm than good and so motivate me to abandon them. By 'me' I mean the whole me, not just the conscious part.

To work on something, I first have to let it be, i.e. come to the surface, become visible. Yes, this means changing my identity, my self-image. But I don't see how I can avoid that, and also why I will have to stick to my current state of mind forever. I don't see why realizing that I have a dislocated ankle should put me in a vicious circle. The very fact that I'm doing this work on myself shows that I believe in positive change, or at least hope for it. I believe that learning the truth will make me freer. Of vicious circles as well, because they are most powerful when they are unconscious.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 00:45 Not sure. Some people are quite happy being unhappy. If they can’t find anything else that makes them special, then it’s better than nothing, I suppose.
Doesn't it look like indulging in self-pity? I thought you were against it.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 00:45 Your dislocation is looking for dislocations. I have some ideas as to why you are doing this, but I don’t know you well enough to be certain.
Feel free to share your ideas. I'm curious to hear them.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 00:45 Everybody has issues, big deal.
The issues of everybody may indeed not be a big deal. At least you can try to stay away from those people. But you can't stay away from yourself. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you, and it participates in whatever you do. You can't stay away from your dislocated ankle.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 00:45 Move on.
On a dislocated ankle? No, thanks. :) I think I deserve more than that. Like everyone else, of course, just in case. :) How much I can achieve on this way, I don't know, so I don't demand anything from myself. It's self-exploration, as mustang correctly called it above, and I can't predict its results in advance.
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#88

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 08:02 A little earlier you wrote there's nothing wrong with fixing a dislocated ankle, and now you are saying it's not fine.
I also wrote that a dislocated ankle is a false analogy, didn't I? It seems to be the language you understand though, so I finally resorted to it. My mistake.
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 08:02 Do you secretly enjoy contradicting yourself? :)
Hey, I'm a woman. I LOVE contradicting myself! :-))
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 08:02 Yes, but I don't think it also implies staying forever where you find yourself.
It's a mandatory first step that you haven't made yet. Without it all your other efforts to find peace will be futile.
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 08:02 Feel free to share your ideas. I'm curious to hear them.
You mentioned elsewhere that you believed yourself to be superior to others and then got disillusioned. I suspect you are still getting over that realization. However, this is almost the only thing I know about you, so I can be off on the wrong track. It doesn't really matter, ultimately.

Failure and suffering are part of normal human experience. Believing otherwise makes you suck-up in an interesting way. It also leads to self-fixation, your main enemy.
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 08:02 How much I can achieve on this way, I don't know
How long have you been self-exploring, for how many years? And you still feel like dying in a nuclear blast. Something's not working, don't you think?
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#89

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 09:13 I also wrote that a dislocated ankle is a false analogy, didn't I?
Yes, and I wrote that the analogy, as you had stated it, was yours, didn't I?
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 09:13 Hey, I'm a woman. I LOVE contradicting myself! :-))
OK, then stop indulging yourself. Just stop it. :)
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 09:13 It's a mandatory first step that you haven't made yet.
What step do you mean? Finding where I am? It's not a step, it's a way. I'm on it, but not at the end of it yet. So what? Does that mean I should stop? That would be an odd thing to do.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 09:13 You mentioned elsewhere that you believed yourself to be superior to others and then got disillusioned. I suspect you are still getting over that realization.
Getting over? I'm not sure I understand you. Sometimes I catch myself talking to other people in a manner that I wouldn't like them to talk to me in. So it's obvious that the idea of superiority is still alive. But it has weakened, or so it seems to me.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 09:13 Failure and suffering are part of normal human experience. Believing otherwise makes you suck-up in an interesting way.
I don't believe otherwise. Didn't I write that I distinguish between necessary and unnecessary pain and inconvenience? I'm not omnipotent, so there is definitely suffering that I can do nothing about, but that doesn't mean I can do nothing about anything.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 09:13 How long have you been self-exploring, for how many years? And you still feel like dying in a nuclear blast. Something's not working, don't you think?
No, I don't think so. It's a lengthy process. It's not like going straight from point A to point B. It's like exploring a new territory. You don't know exactly where you should go to find what you need, and maybe you don't even know for sure what it is that you need. Also some part of you may be against finding it. I've been doing it for a couple of years maybe, but that's not at all too long for such things. I can't do it all day every day, only when I feel like it. Someone else, more disciplined, more committed, could have gone faster, no doubt. Yet I see some good results and feel like more at peace with myself, now that I know myself better, so I'll continue. For me, it works.
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#90

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 10:13 OK, then stop indulging yourself. Just stop it. :)
But I love it. I thrive on contradictions and uncertainties. If I didn't enjoy it, I'd cut it. Otherwise why should I? :-)
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 10:13 Didn't I write that I distinguish between necessary and unnecessary pain and inconvenience?
I don't believe that you have any such criteria. Your judgingment is based on whether something is avoidable on it. But you have no way of knowing this beforehand, so you'll be going against it all like a steam train.
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 10:13 I see some good results and feel like more at peace with myself

That's not what I read in the message which I originally responded to. But if you feel like you're enjoying this process, then it's fine. It's the only thing that truly matters.
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#91

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 12:07 But I love it. I thrive on contradictions and uncertainties. If I didn't enjoy it, I'd cut it. Otherwise why should I? :-)
Those indulging in self-pity also enjoy it. However, you told me to stop. Why such a difference? Is it because I'm like everybody else and you are not? :)
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 12:07 But you have no way of knowing this beforehand, so you'll be going against it all like a steam train.
Aha, so this is how intelligent you think I am. Like a steam train. Thank you very much. :) Now I can see why you are so against my self-exploration.
Easy-Breezy English пишет: 20 июн 2020, 12:07 That's not what I read in the message which I originally responded to.
If some part of me wants to die, I can get at peace with it as well. It's also me. I can see it and listen to it. I can be willing to hear its reasons. Maybe it'll turn out in the process that those reasons stem from something that doesn't even exist anymore. Like we don't throw away some things that we think we still need, not realizing that those needs are long gone.
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#92

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 14:33 Aha, so this is how intelligent you think I am. Like a steam train.
Ok, like a deranged buffalo. Better? Buffaloes are pretty impressive, you know? :-)
acapnotic пишет: 20 июн 2020, 14:33 Those indulging in self-pity also enjoy it. However, you told me to stop. Why such a difference?
My indulgences don't make me wanna kill myself. Quite the opposite, in fact. A pretty significant difference.
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#93

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

mustang пишет: 19 июн 2020, 16:25 Can't think of anything worse than a lifetime of self-imposed mediocrity.
Sorry for ignoring you, my dear comrade. :-) You're in no danger of self-imposed mediocrity, so worry not. :-)
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#94

Сообщение Beginner »

I could not imagine that my question is about the image of the nickname and answer acapnotic would cause such a discussion. I think acapnotic just expressed his emotional state and connection with the image. Either they are helping him now, or they are judging him. I didn't fully understand. )
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#95

Сообщение VictorB »

mustang пишет: 19 июн 2020, 16:25 some of us are more "equal" than others in terms of EQ
https://www.aspergers.ru/eq
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#96

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

Beginner пишет: 20 июн 2020, 21:46 Either they are helping him now, or they are judging him.
Mostly just having some fun with English. Don't take this all too seriously. :-)
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#97

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 24 июл 2020, 08:35
acapnotic пишет: 24 июл 2020, 05:19 Если я как все
Ух, как вам эта мысль прям покою не даёт теперь. )) Подозреваю, что даже больше, чем мустангу. ))) Он-то точно знает, что он speeeecial. ) А вы что, засомневались? )
No matter how averse the neurotic is to checking with evidence, reality inevitably obtrudes itself in two ways. He may be highly gifted, but he still is in all essentials like everybody else—with general human limitations and considerable individual difficulties to boot. His actual being does not jibe with his godlike image. Nor does the reality outside himself treat him as though it found him godlike. For him, too, an hour has but sixty minutes; he must wait in line, like everybody else; the taxidriver or the boss may act as though he were simply an ordinary mortal.

The indignities to which this individual feels exposed are nicely symbolized in a little incident a patient remembered from childhood. She was three years old, and daydreaming of being a fairy queen when an uncle picked her up and said jokingly, "My, what a dirty face you have!" She never forgot her impotent and indignant rage. In this way, such a person is almost constantly faced with discrepancies, puzzling and painful. What does he do about it? How does he account for them, react to them, or try to do away with them? As long as his personal aggrandizement is too indispensable to be touched, he can but conclude that there is something wrong with the world. It ought to be different. And so, instead of tackling his illusions, he presents a claim to the outside world. He is entitled to be treated by others, or by fate, in accord with his grandiose notions about himself. Everyone ought to cater to his illusions. Everything short of this is unfair. He is entitled to a better deal.

The neurotic feels entitled to special attention, consideration, deference on the part of others. These claims for deference are understandable enough, and sometimes obvious enough. But they are merely part and parcel of a more comprehensive claim —that all his needs growing out of his inhibitions, his fears, his conflicts, and his solutions ought to be satisfied or duly respected. Moreover, whatever he feels, thinks, or does ought not to carry any adverse consequences. This means in fact a claim that psychic laws ought not to apply to him. Therefore he does not need to recognize—or at any rate to change—his difficulties. It is then no longer up to him to do something about his problems; it is up to others to see that they do not disturb him.
As you can see from our discussion above, I'm now doing exactly the opposite: trying to recognize and resolve my psychic problems. Your attempts to convince me that I don't have them don't do me any good. You are pushing me back. Of course, you can't succeed because I've lived with them all my life and know very well that they are real -- even when based on some illusions.

Yes, having problems is also a reason for feeling special, but I'm aware of this side effect, so don't worry too much about it. I'm not as stupid as you seem to think I am. ;)
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#98

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic, a great passage!
So, what does the esteemed doctor suggest you do? Any practical advice on fixing personal aggrandizement?
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#99

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 25 июл 2020, 12:38 So, what does the esteemed doctor suggest you do?
Self-analysis, of course. Learn the truth, and it will make you free (hopefully). The aggrandizement is itself a fix, a solution. So if you find a better one, you'll be able to get rid of it. Otherwise, I think, you can only curb it. Hide it under false humility. Spot it in others and fight it there, to show how you are free of it and against it. :)
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#100

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 25 июл 2020, 15:44 Hide it under false humility
Yeah, yeah - adopting a self-effacing, expansive, or resigned solution. What's your solution of choice, btw? Just curious.
acapnotic пишет: 25 июл 2020, 15:44 Learn the truth, and it will make you free (hopefully).
Do you honestly, in your heart, believe this?
And what will count as truth exactly? Who's to say what it is? Horney? What gave her that authority, I wonder?
And what is this normal you are striving for? She herself is extremely vague on the subject.
acapnotic пишет: 25 июл 2020, 15:44 Spot it in others and fight it there, to show how you are free of it and against it.
Noted. )))
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