We all are different, aren't we?

Discuss any questions in English. Practise your writing skills.

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#26

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 26 дек 2019, 10:36 Why then do they crave perfection and not just improvement?
Because they can't feel good about themselves under any circumstances. That's the thing.

In order to be happy about your accomplishments, you need to see yourself as a worthy individual to begin with. You learnt something new, you made some progress - great. You did a good job and you give yourself a pat on the back.

But perfectionists never feel this way. No achievement is ever good enough for them. They have this unquenchable thirst for self-validation. It's toxic and destructive, and they never get there.

Not to be confused with true passion, though. Some people are deeply passionate about a particular subject. If the stars align, they end up being those cool experts and professors. :-) You can't fake it, though. You can't force yourself into truly loving something.

That's my take on it, anyway. :-)
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#27

Сообщение mustang »

Easy-Breezy English,

Come on, booboo, why are you being so disrespectful toward perfectionists? You are hating on them so much that I can't help but think that some part of you is jealous of how perfect they are.

писи: That's not just my take on it -that's the cold hard truth.
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#28

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 26 дек 2019, 15:20 That's my take on it, anyway. :-)
That's OK, I am also just an armchair psychologist. However, looking from my armchair I don't really see perfection in your scheme. And without it, why should we call those people 'perfectionists'?

As I wrote above, to me it's one thing to want perfection and another to want just to fix some deficiencies in yourself. Even if you constantly fail to do the latter to your satisfaction, your goal is still not perfection, it's normality.
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#29

Сообщение Ленья »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 26 дек 2019, 15:20 No achievement is ever good enough for them...
Easy-Breezy English, a laudable endevour, but I’m afraid… too late. I’ve already made a New Year resolution to take up running... Mustang’s impact on me has been too strong, you know... BTW, you seem to be a great remedy for kind of side effects of his attitude. Do you think you are ready for dealing with two now?))
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#30

Сообщение acapnotic »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 10:46 I’ve already made a New Year resolution to take up running...
Then you should ask the admin to change your forum name. Because 'Laziness I am' doesn't match up with such resolutions. :)
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Ленья, Easy-Breezy English
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#31

Сообщение mustang »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 10:46 to be a great remedy for kind of side effects of his attitude.
What's wrong with my attitude? 90% of what I am writing here is tinged with a great deal of humour. Don't blame me, blame the contents of the threads like "I kill cockroaches by hundreds but they keep coming back stronger than ever:( and, btw, I got a five-day soup in my fridge which is getting tastier with every passing day". I want to be serious but.... there's too many buts.

If i could of I would of.
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#32

Сообщение Ленья »

mustang пишет: 27 дек 2019, 12:35 What's wrong with my attitude?
I'm going to find it out with my "jogging experience"). Hope there is no "point of no return"
mustang пишет: 27 дек 2019, 12:35 blame the contents of the threads like
Incidentally, do you know how to poach all those creators of such threads into my epic thread?
Неэксперимент. Неугасающая тема. Учим слова правильно. (Флудилка)
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#33

Сообщение Michelangelo »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 12:56 Incidentally, do you know how to poach all those creators of such threads into my epic thread?
If you don't want to maintain and support your own thread, who do you think will support it?
Cannot you see that Astrologer continuously participates in the thread created by him, thus, he adds some oil to the flame, otherwise, you just have abandoned your own thread, so it has become doomed.
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#34

Сообщение mustang »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 12:56 my "jogging experience"). is no "point of no return"
Long distance runners are , on the whole, very calm people who tend to avoid confrontation at all cost. Probably I just need to increase my running volume. But you can start off with a 3-4 mile slow run . It's going to make you feel so serene, so at peace with yourself, like there's no worry in the world.
Incidentally, do you know how to poach all those creators of such threads into my epic thread?
Gotta cook something up about cockroaches, negros, american psychology, the grammar–translation method, glossika, aliens, love...
Последний раз редактировалось mustang 27 дек 2019, 13:19, всего редактировалось 1 раз.
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#35

Сообщение Ленья »

Michelangelo, I have mixed feelings about it. I'm sick of those shallow topics, however, I want the show to go on.
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#36

Сообщение Michelangelo »

Ленья, I thought you were serious about sharing your method of learning ten words a day each day spending only a small amount of your time on that. But now you are saying the topic is shallow. Were you pulling our leg or what? Weren't you serious about studying English and helping other to comprehend it in short time like yourself?
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#37

Сообщение Ленья »

mustang пишет: 27 дек 2019, 13:15 very calm people who tend to avoid confrontation at all cost
Then it looks like you don't run at all, whereas I never stop)
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#38

Сообщение Ленья »

Michelangelo пишет: 27 дек 2019, 13:22 Were you pulling our leg or what
I'm beyond redemption
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#39

Сообщение mustang »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 13:24 Then it looks like you don't run at all, whereas I never stop)

That's why I wrote "on the whole". On the whole implies that I am not talking about every single runner . Btw, most of the time I argue just for the fun of it I can easily forgo arguments if I choose to.
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#40

Сообщение Michelangelo »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 13:29 I'm beyond redemption
you mean your redemption doesn't know limits or what?
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#41

Сообщение Ленья »

Michelangelo пишет: 27 дек 2019, 15:40 you mean your redemption doesn't know limits or what?
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictio ... redemption
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#42

Сообщение Michelangelo »

Ленья, I know this word from the name of the movie The Shawshank Redemption, however, I cannot understand how you used it.
Does "beyond redemption" mean anything good or otherwise when used by you? Does it mean that you wouldn't be atoned? But what is your sin then which cannot be atoned?
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#43

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 27 дек 2019, 09:23 your goal is still not perfection, it's normality.
Define normality. :-)
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#44

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

Ленья пишет: 27 дек 2019, 10:46 Easy-Breezy English, a laudable endevour, but I’m afraid… too late. I’ve already made a New Year resolution to take up running...

BTW, you seem to be a great remedy for kind of side effects of his attitude.
Ленья, somehow I'm not too worried about you, my friend. :-)

And I like to think of myself as more of a vitamin than a remedy.
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#45

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

mustang пишет: 27 дек 2019, 09:01 Come on, booboo, why are you being so disrespectful toward perfectionists? You are hating on them so much that I can't help but think that some part of you is jealous of how perfect they are.

писи:
Why would I hate self-haters? That would align me with them in a way. :-)

Писи though?? ROFL!
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#46

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 27 дек 2019, 19:51 Define normality. :-)
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries. ... /?q=normal
typical, usual or ordinary; what you would expect
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#47

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

Gee, why didn't I think of checking a dictionary. LOL!
acapnotic пишет: 27 дек 2019, 21:10 what you would expect
What you would expect and what I would expect will be two different normalities already. And that's us, the cool reasonable people. :-)
The normality that perfectionists expect has nothing to do with reality, and it is, thus, unattainable.
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#48

Сообщение acapnotic »

Easy-Breezy English пишет: 27 дек 2019, 21:41 The normality that perfectionists expect has nothing to do with reality, and it is, thus, unattainable.
But that is what I said in the very beginning. They have some fantastic view of what they can do and who they can be, which causes them to have unrealistic expectations. Because they fail to obtain what they crave, they will also have another view of themselves, that of a hopeless loser. Both views can coexist and you can oscillate between them, going from hope to despair and from pride to self-contempt.

I agree that at the very bottom must lie something negative, so the idealized self-image is a defense measure, a means of emotional survival, so to speak. But as soon as it has emerged, it starts to operate and to influence your behavior. You start indentifying with it. Your 'true self' is now this potential one rather than the actual, which you despise and hate for its misery. You start living the life of that imaginary character instead of your own.

This is actually the bug in the system. This self-identification mistake. This switch of your energy from your real self to the ideal one. Because now you will waste it on attempts to make real a phantom instead of investing it into your real, feasible growth.

I can see it in myself, if we need an example. Every time I catch myself trying to pass for someone I am not and show off something I don't have, I realize that I am again serving my master instead of tending my own garden. I am again living the life of someone else, having abandoned my own.
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#49

Сообщение Ленья »

Michelangelo пишет: 27 дек 2019, 16:06 I cannot understand how you used it.But what is your sin then which cannot be atoned?
I used it in a humorous way)
My sin is "pulling your leg" as you wrote.
Michelangelo пишет: 27 дек 2019, 13:22 I thought you were serious about sharing your method of learning...
And I deceived your expectations... I'm beyond redemption)
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#50

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

acapnotic пишет: 28 дек 2019, 08:48 Both views can coexist and you can oscillate between them, going from hope to despair and from pride to self-contempt.
True. Very insightful.
acapnotic пишет: 28 дек 2019, 08:48 at the very bottom must lie something negative, so the idealized self-image is a defense measure, a means of emotional survival
The way I see it, these are internalized parental voices. You know the type of parents - their kid gets all As except for a couple of Bs in something stupid like Physical Training or Home Economics. Instead of praising the child's overall accomplishment, they focus on those retarded not-excellent-enough aspects. Oh, why didn't you try just a bit harder? With a little more effort you could be a straight-A student! The child's success is taken for granted, while their shortcomings are what defines them. A perfect recipe for creating a person with some serious issues.

Another unfortunate lesson here is to let your goals slip out of sight. What the hell difference do those grades make, ultimately? There's only so much time and energy we have. They should be invested wisely, into something that's actually important.
acapnotic пишет: 28 дек 2019, 08:48 This is actually the bug in the system.
I think the bug is with how we raise our children. On the one hand, these parental voices push us to improve and reach higher, so it's a great evolutionary mechanism for making progress. On the other hand, it has obvious side effects.
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