Ad blocker detected: Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors. Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker on our website.
paveltashkinov's thread
Discuss any questions in English. Practise your writing skills.
tourist пишет: ↑23 май 2019, 22:48
one more option: Be responsible and deliver on the potential people think you have.
Could be but it doesn't seem to tie in with the rest of the text.
(BTW, I told you he was talented, didn't I? :-))
Incidentally, a question for Pavel.
Pavel, what kind of feedback do you expect? On the language? Mistakes? Ideas? Are you interested in any feedback at all?
Easy-Breezy English,
Any ideas and suggestions are definitely welcome.
I am not trying to make any point by posting some titbits of my writing on this forum. This thread is just a place where I can disgorge share my ideas and, I hope, get some feedback on the ideas as well as on /my writing style.
paveltashkinov пишет: ↑24 май 2019, 17:59
Any ideas and suggestions are definitely welcome.
Ok then… I’ll play the prosecutor this time…
Pavel, you are a smart guy and an excellent student, but you need to get off your soapbox. I was only half kidding in #18. This last text is like a twelve-year-old trying to wear his father's tuxedo.
Was it a lottery?
Whither are we bound?
Someplace,
Sometime,
Someone
(I hope you)
Is waiting
For the better days ahead,
Burying hope in the sand .
The last glimmer,
The last vestiges cast off.
I know I am cursed
With my impatience.
But aren’t you right?
Wir werden sehen.
Aloof and forthright,
Testing my patience,
With my eyeballs, glittering,
My toes stubbed,
And my stubble.
Stumbling into you,
Striking a balance,
Skipping appointments,
Skimming the froth of these minutes,
Seething
Without the treacle
Of your blithe smile
By my side
When we rode the tide
Of that pitch-black night.
Now, that's passionate. :-) It definitely has a mood. Are all the "s" words (stub, stubble, stumble, strike, skip, skim, seethe) there by design?
I hope this is not going to offend you - but I thought that google translating this piece might be useful.
В стороне и прямо,
Проверяя мое терпение,
С моими глазными яблоками, блестящими,
Пальцы на ногах
И моя щетина.
Наткнуться на тебя,
Нахождение баланса,
Пропуск встреч,
Снимая пену этих минут,
Кипя
Без патоки
Твоей беспечной улыбки
На моей стороне
Когда мы ехали по течению
Из этой черной ночи.
They can even invent new words! At least the Microsoft translator can.
Отчужденным и откровенным,
Испытывая мое терпение,
С моими глазчками, сверкающими,
Мои пальцы ног,
И мою щетину.
Спотыкаясь в вас,
Баланс,
Пропуск встреч,
Скимминг пены этих минут,
Кипит
Без патоки
Из ваших веселый улыбкой
Рядом со мной
Когда мы ехали прилива
О том, что кромешная Черная ночь.
paveltashkinov, this was a nice little detail. And it's very hard to do in a foreign language, too. It did give the poem (?) somewhat of a hissing sound, though. I'm not sure if you were specifically going for it.
Have you ever tried writing something like this in Russian?
Easy-Breezy English,
The last time I've written something like that in Russian must have been nine years ago or so as I was taking the state exam in Russian.
I had been looking forward to having her company again up to the moment I curled up in an uncomfortable airplane seat next to the window. As I was watching the city lights fading away below, I heaved a sigh of relief. It was over, and this time for good.
I wiped the perspiration off my forehead and took a sip of Dandelion and Burdock, and felt it going down my sore throat.
The essential oils from the drink mixed with the smell of our sweat and her fragrance that seemed to have permeated everything around the bed. Very irresistible.
Sharp gravel under feet
A smell of paint
Mixed
With that of daisies
And fir needle
A gentle wind
In my face
Hands soaked in dew
Sparrows chirping
As I stand on the bridge
Lounging in the sunrise
Leaning over
Holding my glasses
Lest they fall
Looking for the summer
paveltashkinov,
Have you had any of your 50-word pieces published on fiftywordstories.com?
If yes, what's the pen name or at least the titles?
If no, why?
They won't publish anything you send them, though...
paveltashkinov,
And you'd read the submission notice before sending them?
Submissions System
Each month, submissions will be open between days 1 and 15 of that month. Any stories received on days 16 to 31 of a month will be deleted but can be resubmitted the following month. You may only submit one story per month.
paveltashkinov,
You know what?
As far as the GRE words revision goes, I find reading your posts entertaining and helpful rather than purposeless and irritating, as some users' comments might imply. Indeed, where else can one find such words deliberately used overabundantly in so relatively short pieces of writing? In this regard, I even find them sort of unique, despite what has been said about the writing style and the word choice. Reading them I'm just checking and improving my command of rare words, trying to abstract away from the style issues and the content. So whatever might be your unseen by most of the community goal, keep writing and posting.
За это сообщение автора VictorB поблагодарили (всего 2):
Tired as I was, I found myself wide awake at 2 AM.
The crisis of mid 20s, here we are, again.
No sooner had this feeling of having a huge crisis averted come upon me than there wasn’t a trace of it left.
You wanted struggle and perseverance, didn’t you?