Having seen a similar theme on CPE I've decided to start a new one related to CAE. You can't imagine how shy I am to write here and to present my essays to be assessed or criticised by people who I look up to and whom I've been inspired to put my plans into actions and begin my preparation for CAE. I'm well aware of the fact that my writing is still poor and needs improving that's why I've decided to fight my inner fears and start doing something!
Cambridge English Advanced 1/ Test 1
Factors contributing to the increase in international travel:
methods of transport
global business
media
It goes without saying that today tourism is one of the most rapidly increasing branches of economy. The Internet is full of various photographs depicting people whose thirst for travelling and adventure has brought them to the most unexpected spots on the planet. What has provoked such an enormous growth in this direction?
It seems to be obvious that the recent developments in transport technologies have allowed people to get from one side of the planet to another within several hours which was a complete miracle just less than a century ago. Nowadays not only do people travel fast but they are also provided with the comfort anyone could dream about some decades ago. Comfortably-off people can enjoy incredibly relaxing and glamorous voyages on luxurious liners. However, many people consider modern means of transportation not being safe enough. Although fear of flying is believed to be irrational and statistics backs up this claim a lot of people still feel scared of boarding the planes. Moreover, the cost of such traveling can be really pricey.
It is impossible to deny that the media contributed to the popularity of tourism greatly. A wide range of travel shows and even channels have appeared on TV recently. They encourage people to try something new, to experience new lifestyles which are totally different from their own. Some of them sing the praises of isolated places on the edge of the world other ones promise to a tourist seeking out the dangers missing from their everyday life to have a whale of time. In spite of this, most people still prefer to stay at home since they either can not afford such a holiday or they are content merely to enjoy the picturesque views on their TV screens.
Taking everything into consideration, I believe that the most valuable contribution to the international tourism was made by the development of transport. There is no doubt that it has made many people believe that our world is too beautiful to miss an opportunity to see it and our life is too short to spend it on a sofa in front of a TV set.
CAE writing
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- Xander
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Way to go!olgusha-79 пишет: ↑11 мар 2018, 09:18 Having seen a similar theme on CPE I've decided to start a new one related to CAE.
Lay your fears and doubts aside! People here are your friends ), cohesion and coherance are ok.You can't imagine how shy I am to write here and to present my essays to be assessed or criticised by people
Good use of linking devices, discourse/attitude markers.
Grammar is fine (inversion, a bunch of dependent clauses, present perfect, passive, gerund, participle clauses, modifiers, etc).
You might wanna pay more attention to punctuation & usage.
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Agree with Xander
- Irina
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Good evening!
Much as I like some of the vocabulary items you've used (to name but a few: depicting, thirst for, incredibly relaxing, luxurious), I must say that I am dubious about some of the collocations and grammatical constructions.
Your Writing has great potential, but you need to work on your collocations and refresh some grammatical rules. =)
Much as I like some of the vocabulary items you've used (to name but a few: depicting, thirst for, incredibly relaxing, luxurious), I must say that I am dubious about some of the collocations and grammatical constructions.
- sounds good for Speaking, but I would advise against it in essays.
- does it sound natural? I'd opt for areas/sections of the economy.
- again, is it natural? Don't accelerate/boost/fuel/stimulate sound better?
- get is too informal
- you need a coma here.
- again, collocation. 'miracle' looks good with great/real/true.
- you need a coma here.
- you need infinitive here.
- why 'the planes' ?
- you need a coma here.olgusha-79 пишет: ↑11 мар 2018, 09:18Although fear of flying is believed to be irrational and statistics backs up this claim
- contributed greately (don't separate)
- you need a coma.olgusha-79 пишет: ↑11 мар 2018, 09:18Some of them sing the praises of isolated places on the edge of the world other ones promise
This sentence is too bulky, hard to get through.olgusha-79 пишет: ↑11 мар 2018, 09:18Some of them sing the praises of isolated places on the edge of the world other ones promise to a tourist seeking out the dangers missing from their everyday life to have a whale of time.
- doesn't sound natural
- another bulky and not clear sentence.olgusha-79 пишет: ↑11 мар 2018, 09:18There is no doubt that it has made many people believe that our world is too beautiful to miss an opportunity to see it and our life is too short to spend it on a sofa in front of a TV set.
Your Writing has great potential, but you need to work on your collocations and refresh some grammatical rules. =)
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