CPE Writing

[paveltashkinov]

Easy-Breezy English,
Ultimately, I would like to work in an English-speaking business environment as a mid-level manager, at the overlap between sales and technology. Aiming anywhere below doesn't make sense, I guess.

[paveltashkinov]

I asked yet another native for his feedback on my review.

Hmmm, for someone who struggles with articles and basic semantics, and who needlessly peppers his sentences with bombastic phrases all the time, it’s confusing to me how that book review is written with much grammatical coherence and efficacy of words while at the same time retaining that highbrow tone so common in book advertisements and professional synopses.
Maybe the people disliked your review because you sound like you’re trying to sell the book by using that impersonal, professional-sounding style, rather than giving your own personal experience of the book.
And lastly, writing is not so much about the style as it is about the content, about imparting your own experiences and using inspiration to drive your storytelling. Words are just tools to help you flesh out your thoughts and the more natural you keep it the more original and compelling you sound.
If you have something worthwhile to say it doesn’t matter if your facility with language is not academic.

[Eager Beaver]

Ultimately, I would like to work in an English-speaking business environment as a mid-level manager, at the overlap between sales and technology. Aiming anywhere below doesn't make sense, I guess.

I don't know how well you speak, but I think language-wise you are already there. You should probably shift your focus to developing other skills, including communication skills. Rambling essays (however deep and thought-provoking) aren't usually part of a job description).

[Easy-Breezy English]

Easy-Breezy English,
Ultimately, I would like to work in an English-speaking business environment as a mid-level manager, at the overlap between sales and technology. Aiming anywhere below doesn't make sense, I guess.

Ah! I wish I’d asked that first. Pavel, you really need to move on. You are as skilled at writing CPE essays as you are ever going to be. I think you might be doing yourself a disservice by practicing this stilted format. An advanced business writing or content writing course would make more sense.

[paveltashkinov]

What about the piece of writing below?

25 is the age of disappointments. I was thinking I would be working my dream job. Well, I dare not complain, nor do I want to sound it out, but everyone involved in the predicament I found myself in is fully aware of what I mean. I am aware of the extent to which people’s lives are eaten up by their jobs. I seem to have avoided this quagmire, but sometimes I wish I hadn’t. Supporting myself isn’t exactly as exciting as I thought it would be. Living on your own is great, but less so when you live in a dilapidated (albeit your own, not mortgaged) flat in a run-down neighborhood. Days seem to be way shorter and are always crammed with cooking, cleaning and sleeping so that there’s no time left for other stuff. I mean, the good stuff. I am growing more and more disappointed with the people I meet. Fortunately, there is only one example that fills me with sadness about the things that would have been and the ugly turn the events took. It will pass, anyway. Verily, 25 is a great age to explore, but all those explorations and escapades will eventually have amounted to what they are – a huge mistake.
Making new friends is becoming increasingly difficult. Losing old ones due to different life directions is not. Drinking and partying aren’t as funny as they used to be. Hangovers are growing worse. There seem to be some other reasons for embarrassment that would have been unthinkable five years ago.
I am glad to have discovered the passion of my life, but sometimes I am overwhelmed and shattered with the realization of how hard I should try to get where I want to be.
Sometimes life falls apart and crumbles like pastry. We try to mend it, to get a grip, and to glue it together. And then we realise we don't want to glue it together.
If we do not believe in the future we may be planning, the house we may be mortgaged to, the person who sleeps by our side, isn't it possible that a thunderstorm yet lurking in the clouds may bring us closer to how and who we want to be in the world?
I am getting older, but the things seem to be more and more confusing. Isn’t it something people call wisdom?

[Easy-Breezy English]

paveltashkinov, this is pretty impressive for a non-native speaker. You are still mixing styles a bit, but it doesn’t jump out too much. I don’t feel the least bit qualified to comment on this text. You'd be better off getting a native speaker to look at this.
Here are a few thoughts, such as they are...

I wasn’t sure what you meant by sound out. It doesn’t seem to work here. Voice? Whine?
I wouldn’t call a regular 9-to-5 job a quagmire. It’s more like a trap.
I’d replace verily with truly or something like that.
that fills me with sadness – this is not the Queen of England talking, just some young guy…
the ugly turn the events took – this implies something fairly dramatic, not just the everyday grind.
will eventually have amounted – would have amounted or just would amount (he’s not doing those things, right? So, it’s hypothetical.)
Drinking and partying aren’t as funny -- aren’t as fun. Funny and fun are two different words.
I am overwhelmed and shattered – that’s being melodramatic. Just overwhelmed is plenty enough.
Can we be mortgaged to a house? Or are you trying to be poetic?
a thunderstorm yet lurking in the clouds – this is what I mean about mixing styles. You jump from a fairly conversational register to things like that…

Overall, it sounds more like something a 40-year-old would write. Or are you making fun of 20-somethings intentionally? Also, I might not have been focusing enough, but what is his predicament exactly? That he lives in a rundown neighborhood? That there’s a lot to do to get where he wants to be?

Your writing reminds me of Гребенщиков in a way. It’s this cloud of words that create a mood without necessarily being clear or even decipherable. Fine in creative writing, but might not work for a “mid-level manager”.

[paveltashkinov]

Easy-Breezy English,
will eventually have amounted is correct, for he is doing those things.

I am 26, and I am making fun of myself, without fear of appearing silly)
I am also feeling older than I thought I would by now.

[Easy-Breezy English]

Easy-Breezy English,
will eventually have amounted is correct, for he is doing those things.

Oh, ok, somehow I didn't get it.

I am 26, and I am making fun of myself, without fear of appearing silly)

No shit, SERIOUSLY???????????????? I would have never, in a million years guessed. You sound more like you are pushing 50.
Ok, so it WAS humor then. Nice!

[paveltashkinov]

Easy-Breezy English,
Yepp. I am 26. I was on the verge of turning 22 when I passed a C1 exam. I passed CPE at 25.

[Easy-Breezy English]

Ok, then you have all kinds of opportunities ahead. Прикрылась тазиком, but I do believe that you have a literary talent.

[paveltashkinov]

Easy-Breezy English,
I am just revealing my alter-ego and pretending to be a 50-years-old cantankerous curmudgeon.)

[Eager Beaver]

Easy-Breezy English,
Yepp. I am 26. I was on the verge of turning 22 when I passed a C1 exam. I passed CPE at 25.

I wish I could go back in time and start learning English sooner. With a wife, kids and a business to take care of, it’s increasingly hard to squeeze enough English in your schedule.

For a non-native speaker who lives in Russia and who’s majored in something other than English (or related field), your progress is phenomenal.

[Easy-Breezy English]

For a non-native speaker who lives in Russia and who’s majored in something other than English (or related field), your progress is phenomenal.

I wholeheartedly agree. Extraordinary indeed.

[Eager Beaver]

Ok, then you have all kinds of opportunities ahead. Прикрылась тазиком, but I do believe that you have a literary talent.

Every time I see a post by Pavel, I ask myself “And what have you done today to improve your skills?” Ashamed, I read his post, fish out a couple of 10-dollar words (which I probably will never use but still) and read an article in English. At least this much I can do. Прикрылся тазиком.

[paveltashkinov]

Eager Beaver,
I can definitely relate to that problem. I didn't have the luxury of having some free time at my previous job, where I had to slog away day after day and didn't have enough time for myself, let alone pursuing my linguistic endeavours.)
Now that I am lucky enough to have a rather haphazard not-so-crammed schedule that gives me some room for pursuing my hobbies and interests outside the realm of work, I am trying to get the most out of it. Besides, I don't to have to shoulder a burden of with family obligations. God forbid! The 20s is the most productive decade, and I am intent on focusing on myself, challenging myself, and squeezing the most out of this time while I still can.

[paveltashkinov]

The graph below shows passenger revenue in $M and the percentage of trains arriving on time for a train company, Cruiseline, for each quarter of a two-year period, 2005-2006.

Using the information from the graph, write a short report describing the passenger revenue and the percentage of trains arriving on time during the two-year period.

Write 120-140 words.


Biannual report on the revenue and efficiency of Cruiseline.

The report below sheds light on the percentage of trains arriving on time and the passenger revenue of Cruiseline during 2005-2006.

An analysis of the percentage of trains arriving according to their schedule reveals that up until Q3, 2006 the value of this key performance indicator remained above 85%, with the maximum value of 87,5% throughout the first half of 2005. Thereafter, the percentage of trains arriving on time dropped to approximately 65%, and its value remained the same until the end of 2006.

Until Q3, 2006, there was a steady rise in the passenger revenue (from 280$M to 330 $M). Subsequently, the revenues dropped to approximately 80% its initial revenue (~230 $M) and were further reduced to 225 $M in Q4, 2006.

---

Guess I could have used shorter sentences. This one is from BEC Higher. Frankly, it's too easy. I have to write such letters as part of my job responsibilities.

[Easy-Breezy English]

Every time I see a post by Pavel, I ask myself “And what have you done today to improve your skills?” Ashamed, I read his post, fish out a couple of 10-dollar words (which I probably will never use but still) and read an article in English. At least this much I can do. Прикрылся тазиком.

Uhm... I wouldn't go all self-deprecating if I were you... Your English is excellent.

[Eager Beaver]

Uhm... I wouldn't go all self-deprecating if I were you... Your English is excellent.

Haha, thanks, but I know that there is an awful lot to improve. )

[Eager Beaver]

Besides, I don't to have to shoulder a burden of with family obligations. God forbid! The 20s is the most productive decade, and I am intent on focusing on myself, challenging myself, and squeezing the most out of this time while I still can.

The 20s is also the time when you still can make friends (I mean true friends, soulmates, not casual acquaintances), when it's quite easy to find a life partner. The older you are, the more difficult it gets. I mean you start to feel more comfortable around people, and you meet someone new all the time, but you don't get particularly close even if your relationship is quite warm and friendly. Most of my friends, for instance, are from my university years or colleagues from my first jobs. So I would try to strike a balance between career ambitions (or focusing on yourself) and family life. One thing I don't regret is not having chickened out of a relationship when at a certain point things got too complicated. Worked out well for me. :)

[Zlatko_Berrin]

I was on the verge of turning 22 when I passed a C1 exam

Oh, now I'm turning 21 so I have a year to reach C1 ha-ha)
Actually, two years would be better for me, I suppose)

I wish I could go back in time and start learning English sooner. With a wife, kids and a business to take care of, it’s increasingly hard to squeeze enough English in your schedule.

Oh, I wish I could too. A couple of days ago, I was thinking about "why didn't I realize, when I was at school, that I would need English and would want to learn it ? Why did no one say "Hey you, learn English!""))

[paveltashkinov]

Zlatko_Berrin,

I used to harbour the same regrets. Had I started to learn English at school and had I been more diligent, my skills would have been definitely better. Perhaps, I would have picked up another FL. That said, I still have no regrets about having abandoned German for good. I used to dabble with the idea of resuscitating and brushing it up to a decent level, say, B2, but I invariably found something better to occupy myself with. Learning it almost from scratch now doesn't make any sense now.

A year is a ton of time. Judging by your posts here, C1 is definitely within your reach.)

[Eager Beaver]

Oh, now I'm turning 21 so I have a year to reach C1 ha-ha)
Actually, two years would be better for me, I suppose)

You're still green :) a student, you can attend an English class as part of your curriculum. And as far as I remember, you don't have a day job that makes you all worn-out, to the extent that when you punch out at the end of the day, you don't fancy doing anything other than lying on a couch and watching some daft comedy. Make the most of this time. You can move up a level or two hands down.

[Eager Beaver]

Learning it almost from scratch now doesn't make any sense now.

With your ability to absorb language like a sponge, wealth of experience of learning on your own, and all the time on hand, you could easily reach B2 within a year or less.

[Zlatko_Berrin]

Judging by your posts here, C1 is definitely within your reach.)

I hope so)

you don't have a day job

Well, I may not have mentioned that, but I have a part-time job. Actually, I'm quitting it because I should (well, must)) do my coursework and other assignments, so my free time is almost always devoted to learning English)

[Eager Beaver]

Actually, I'm quitting it because I should (well, must)) do my coursework and other assignments, so my free time is almost always devoted to learning English)

And again, there is no need to go to extremes and become a nolifer just because you want to improve your command of English. University years are likely to be the best years of your life - so make them memorable, get new experiences, meet new people, visit new places if you can. You can practice English along the way. Don't make learning it a goal in itself.