CPE Writing

[paveltashkinov]

Giraffe,
I seem to have had the same trouble with being succinct. However, it is really important to follow the recommended word limit; otherwise your writing may seem too watered-down/repetitive/irrelevant. Besides, when sitting the real exam, you won't have the luxury of thinking too much, so you'd better learn how to briefly and clearly convey your thoughts and ensure that the message won't be lost on the target audience.

[Giraffe]

paveltashkinov, thank you for your tips. It's not that it took me a long time to write that 500-word text (about 30-35 minutes), but irrelevance is definitely an issue, and being succinct has always been a challenge. It takes more time to edit it and make it shorter than writing something large. Thank you. This aspect, along with cohesiveness, seems to be one of the problems with writing.

[paveltashkinov]

Giraffe,
This definitely rings a bell with me. Anyway, there is definitely nothing insurmountable.)
said the guy well-known for his turgid writing so full of oddities

[Giraffe]

Hello. Here is another first attempt - this time, it is part 1, the essay. You comments are welcome! Thank you for your help.
P.S. It seems like this answer lacks the required feature listed last - 'your own ideas', as mentioning the importance of both aspects (pollution and costs) appears to be insufficient...

The task
Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible, and include your own ideas in your answer.

I. Commuting by train
Increasingly, people are moving to the countryside and commuting to work every day. If you are one of them, there are numerous reasons to choose the train as your mode of transport. Firstly, you avoid the chore of a long drive, coupled with the frustration of sitting in rush hour traffic once you hit the city. Also, the comfort of modern rail facilities means you have space to work if you are on your way to a meeting. Then at the end of the day, you can simply sit back and relax on your way home.

II. Long-distance commuting: plane, car or train?
Although flying long distances generates more carbon dioxide emissions than going by car, the high price of petrol means that driving from Aberdeen to London, for example, may actually prove more expensive. However, studies suggest that the train produces about half the carbon dioxide emissions of the car. So, despite the recent rise in rail tickets, commuting by train would seem to be the best option in both an environmental and economical sense.

Despite being quite an old invention, trains are an integral part of our lives - it is them that most people use to get to work or reach other destinations the access to which is otherwise hindered. The two extracts highlight the advantages trains offer and are complimentary on the matter.

The first text focuses on the role of trains and railway stations in our daily routine. Had it not been for this means of transportation, the overwhelming majority of people living on the outskirts of big cities would have been unable to bring home the bacon. The extract puts forward two reasons why trains are the best option for commuters. Not only does it deprive you of the need to struggle in bumber-to-bumper traffic jams, but it also enables you to either let your hair down after a long working day or engage in whatever actvity you need for your current endeavor, be it reading on something, listening to podcasts or making drafts.

The second extract revolves around the issue of travelling to far-flung areas: having analyzed various kinds of transport from the economical point of view with regard to their environmental impact, its author comes to the conclusion that trains are clean enough to be superior to planes and fast enough to outperform cars - and these benefits have a price tag that will not leave you broke.

Since the problems experienced by everyone across the board are pollution and financial crises, in this day and age, trains appear to be the most convenient and cost-effective way of travelling, regardless of whether it is commuting or distant travels, so I fully agree with the stance described above. (279 words)

[tourist]

Right,where do we start ? )
I'll ignore typos and minute inaccuracies.

- Here is another first attempt.. attempt of what ?
- it lacks the required feature listed last : 'your own ideas'
-countryside -> suburbs /moving out of cities/outskirts
for consistency use BrE throughout : analySe, endeavoUr,transportation (AmE) -> transport (BrE)
-produces about half the carbon dioxide emissions of the car in comparison to driving a car
- it is them that most people use [them/trains] to get to work or reach other destinations the access to which is otherwise hindered. which could be difficult to access by other forms of transport.
- and are complimentary on the matter -> and complement (!) each other
- bring home the bacon.. a bit too informal, but it's up to you )
-its author comes to the conclusion
- pollution and financial crises cost of living

[Yety]

Had it not been for this means of transportation, the overwhelming majority of people living on the outskirts of big cities would have been unable

Why Conditional III?)

[Giraffe]

- Here is another first attempt.. attempt of what ?

To write an essay. The previous first attempt was to write a report (as I had never done it before). So it is another first attempt, and this time it's an essay :)

-produces about half the carbon dioxide emissions of the car in comparison to driving a car

This extract is from the task, so we should not really try to change it.

- it is them that most people use [them/trains] to get to work or reach other destinations the access to which is otherwise hindered. which could be difficult to access by other forms of transport.

Is the original sentence that bad? Adding more sophisticated grammar just for the sake of it does not make it more natural, but still...
'Complimentary' is such an embarrassing typo.
Thank you for your help!

Had it not been for this means of transportation, the overwhelming majority of people living on the outskirts of big cities would have been unable

Why Conditional III?)

Perhaps, a mixed conditional would be more appropriate here, like in "Had it not been for this means of transport, the overwhelming majority of people living on the outskirts of big cities would be unable to..." Do you agree? :)

[Mountbatten]

Giraffe, я бы обратила внимание на синтаксис ( он достаточно русский), и длину предложений.
У вас всего 5 предложений в эссе. Два абзаца состоят из одного длииииииинного предложения. Для английского языка нужно членить, чередуя длинные и короткие предложения. Так текст будет смотреться динамичнее и аутентичнее.

[Giraffe]

Mountbatten, спасибо за совет, попробуем поправить.

[Yety]

"Had it not been for this means of transport, the overwhelming majority of people living on the outskirts of big cities would be unable to..." Do you agree? :)

Not quite. I would use Cond II in both the clauses:
If it were not for this... - Were it not for this... (if inversion is mandatory))
After all, they both refer to the present, don't they... - [It is thanks to this means of transport that suburbanites are able to ...]

[tourist]

To write an essay. The previous first attempt was to write a report (as I had never done it before). So it is another first attempt, and this time it's an essay :)

I got that, it's just your sentence seemed incomplete.

This extract is from the task, so we should not really try to change it.

OK, but who compiled the task? A native?
Doesn't look like that to me.
I'm not familiar with CPE requirements.
It might make sense not to rock the boat and just take their wording for granted,
but some of the sentences still sound a bit tacky .

Is the original sentence that bad?

the degree of badness is subjective. I felt like it could be improved.)

PS

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speaking of bringing home bacon )

[Giraffe]

OK, but who compiled the task? A native?
Doesn't look like that to me.
I'm not familiar with CPE requirements.
It might make sense not to rock the boat and just take their wording for granted,
but some of the sentences still sound a bit tacky .

Since it's from Expert Proficiency, I suppose it's compiled by a native speaker. Perhaps it is the non-native ear that is to blame :) Thank you for your help.
Yety, thank you, you are right.

[Eager Beaver]

Giraffe, great piece! I wish I could write like this.
Can I ask you a quick question? Why did you use economical and not economic? Wondering why text 2 uses it as well.

[Mary May]

Economic - refers to economy and finance
economical - not that expensive

[Giraffe]

Eager Beaver, thank you, but it is really not as good as it may seem. It uses 'economical' because it is about saving money, not economy. Economic -> about economy, economical -> helps you spend less.

Mary May, Sorry, cross-posted.

[Eager Beaver]

It uses 'economical' because it is about saving money, not economy. Economic -> about economy, economical -> helps you spend less.

Thanks, I vaguely remember this somehow (from school, maybe :)). Was just wondering if it was used as intended here.

[Giraffe]

Here is one more essay. Sentences have become shorter, the structure is different, but it still leaves much to be desired. As always, your suggestions are welcome.

I. Reflections of a travel photographer
The beauty of a travel photograph is perhaps not the moment you first see it, when the memory of taking it is still fresh in your mind. It is that weird moment years down the line, when you come across it in a long-forgotten box, and looking at it evokes a reminiscent glimpse of past travels. You pause for a moment, indulging yourself as memories of sights, smells and sounds flood your brain. In that moment, the photograph isn't just a picture of a scene. It's the whole experience of a journey taken, a place explored and people encountered.

II. Taking good travel photographs
As you arrive at your destination, try to ignore any preconceived ideas about what you will find, and take note of your first impressions. How do you feel as you round that corner and set eyes on the place? What first catches your eye? The colours? The architecture? Sounds? Movement? Whatever it is, keep hold of it, and use it to choose the focus of your photographs. You may find it useful to venture out on initial sojourns without your camera, in order to soak up the atmosphere of the place and consider potential subjects. Then, let your inspiration guide you.

Essay

In this day and age, taking photos is deemed an integral part of any vacation. Now that virtually everyone has a smartphone, you always have a camera at your disposal. The power of photos and the special approach choosing subjects calls for are what these two texts focus on.

The first extract highlights that the full potential of a photo can be revealed only after the situation depicted becomes part of your halcyon days. It is only after you forget about the story this or that photo tells you that it can produce the strongest effect. Seeing yourself surrounded by exotic trees can make you feel as if you are experiencing all this all over again, from sounds to smells. While the power of photography is definitely great, there is one aspect of it that the first text overlooks. Not only do photos immerse you into the world of memorable events and evoke positive emotions, but they can also be a source of negative emotions. It depends on what a particular photo reminds you of, so it is a double-edged sword.

The second extract addresses the issue of how one should use their camera in order to take the best photos. When you set out to explore some terra incognita, your mind conjures up images of what you are going to see there. The writer recommends that you resist the temptation to capture the landmarks and try to look at the area from a different perspective. By doing so, you can identify what appeals to you and create masterpieces that reflect your impressions. I find this strategy most effective, but it is an even better idea to leave your camera behind and enjoy your adventure without any devices at all.

To sum up, photos can be a powerful tool, which serves as the gates to the past. Still, the emotions they evoke may vary. As to taking photos while travelling, it is avoiding the visual cliches that can help you make your experience truly authentic. (335 words)

[tourist]

OK, I'll bite )

- In this day and age
this has become such a cliche, that even my admittedly inferior non-native ear cringes )
you may want to use a synonym instead
-the special approach choosing subjects calls for ... I would rephrase this.
sure, it's grammatically correct but is nevertheless too heavy for the above- mentioned non-native ears )
-full potential of a photo can be revealed achieved/power of the photo appreciated
-It is only after you forget about the story this or that photo tells you ->
It's only after the memories behind (a particular) picture (have) faded..
- one should use their camera -> camera should be used
even though passive voice should generally be avoided when possible,
I feel that in this case it's justified
-masterpieces... no more no less )
You are getting better.

[Giraffe]

tourist, your feedback is reassuring, thank you. No offence, the non-native ear remark wasn't meant to offend you - after all, it is who we are.
As far as punctuation is concerned, there appear to be no universal rules, as different guides provide different information. It's quite difficult (at least for me) to make it less Russian. The Penguin guide is comprehensive and interesting, but it's not the only one. What punctuation guide would you recommend?

[tourist]

Giraffe
no offence taken )
re:punctuation
Are you asking me ? I've got no clue.
I'm not a teacher so no recommendations from me in this regard.

[Giraffe]

I'm sorry for having failed to make it clear - the question was for everyone involved in the conversation. Perhaps, Mountbatten knows some good option, but everyone is welcome to suggest using a partciular guide :) I should have left some space between the message to you and the punctuation part, I guess.

[Eager Beaver]

Giraffe,
I was once recommended The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation. It is mostly based on the Chicago Manual of Style but seems much more accessible.

[Giraffe]

Eager Beaver, thank you. Judging from the name, I guess it's American, so there may be recommendations at odds with what British institutions recommend. We asked native speakers about it, and they confirmed there is no preferable option that is supported by everyone, so no clarity here.

[Giraffe]

Here is one more essay. It is again longer than recommended, but since textbooks emphasize that a student is not penalised for exceeding the limit, I find it hard to decide whether it is really important to keep it under 320 words.
Your feedback is always welcome. Assessment of organisation, content and communicative achiement will also be appreciated.

1. The Excitement of Advertising
Outdoor advertising has to attract, engage and persuade potential customers; it is the most important way of grabbing customers’ attention and outdoor media continue to undergo a transformation. At the core of this transformation is the
digital screen media, which encompass everything from giant screens to digital billboards. The technology is cheap and advertising agencies rave about the creative possibilities for advertisements which entertain, amuse, inform, make
the environment brighter and enliven the world we live in.

2. Advertising: an undesirable business
Once upon a time outdoor advertising was straightforward. Posters were stuck up on anything from a bus shelter to a motorway hoarding. Many people considered this kind of advertising to be fairly dull, a harmless blot on the landscape and chose to ignore it. These people now regard digital advertising as a form of unwanted, creeping commercialisation: it attracts a buzz simply because it is new. They feel that any advertising which targets children or vulnerable adults is a dubious practice at the best of times, and digital advertising is, moreover, wasteful, damaging to the environment and completely unnecessary.


Today, the overwhelming majority of people simply do not know what it is like to live in a world devoid of advertising. It is pervasive, if not omnipresent, and it seems like every easily visible spot is used to promote goods. That is why the lion's share of advertisements are found in the open air. Outdoor advertising is the overarching theme of these two texts, and special emphasis is laid on different views on its digital form.

The first text focuses on the opportunities digital means of reaching out towards a particular target audience provide. As they are capable of dominating any landscape, huge screens enable one to implement virtually any creative idea. Bright colours, fountains of light, intricate designs and breathtaking illusions are employed to fascinate you, hail the product wrapped in this million-bulb package as gorgeous, and, most importantly, coax you into buying from them. The writer argues that the affordability and diversity of applications make this newfangled form of outdoor advertising a great tool. Not only does it appeal to wide audience, but it is also an example of how something simple can evolve into a sophisticated venue worth a praise. However, it is difficult not to challenge the affordability assumption. With so many resources required for visual effects, it is evident that digital advertising is far from being an environmentally friendly way of communicating with prospective customers.

This is the reason the second extract appears to be more practical in its approach to the issue being discussed - even if it is less enthusiastic. It provides a brief overview of how these attempts to draw the attention of passers-by can backfire: if common printed advertisements were dull and ubiquitous, their modern digital counterparts are an advanced way of imposing someone's views on the population. Caught up in the misconception that everything vivid is trustworthy, the young and the elderly are likely to be taken in simply due to the impressiveness of this technology.

I fully agree with the idea put forward in the second text. Digital advertising can hardly be called economical, to say nothing of the light pollution to which it contributes. Besides, the very nature of advertising implies persuasion, and digital screens make it easier to abuse senses. Were there fewer advertisements of any kind, many a landscape would benefit from it.

[tourist]

A few comments about word usage :

-I find it hard to decide -> I'm not sure
-Today, the overwhelming majority .. thanks, beats in this day and age any time )
- devoid of ... is this some kind of conspiracy?
Why does everyone feel the need to use it in every essay ?
-coax you into buying from them the product (you didn't say anything about them )
-diversity -> variety
-appeal to (a) wide audience
- sophisticated venue (?) .. may be media..or did you mean avenue?
- it is difficult not to challenge the affordability assumption -> whether it's really affordable is questionable