CPE Writing

[tourist]

I've got nothing to say on the subject (the book),
but I'm afraid there has been no improvement in your writing skills at all,sorry to say. (
That's unfortunate and I believe is mostly self-inflicted.

[paveltashkinov]

I've got nothing to say on the subject (the book),
but I'm afraid there has been no improvement in your writing skills at all,sorry to say. (
That's unfortunate and I believe is mostly self-inflicted.

Why do you think so?)
What kind of improvement is there supposed to be?

[paveltashkinov]

Loving Pablo, Hating Escobar
by Virginia Vallejo

It took me about one and a half weeks to finish a 450-pages book, which is a rare exception, me being a voracious reader. The book does provide an insight into the life of Pablo Escobar at some junctures here and there (even if from the viewpoint of a vainglorious woman, who is not only excessively confident in her pulchritude, but also adroitly wielding it to achieve her means).
Be that as it may, I can't but think that the book could have contained only 200 pages: many a time I found myself muddling through some descriptions of apparels and other paraphernalia which could have been easily omitted. I am also under the impression that the author seems to be focusing on her own life rather than shedding light on Pablo Escobar's. All in, glad to have put it back on the bookshelf.

[tourist]

Why do you think so?)
What kind of improvement is there supposed to be?

Well,I assume your questions are honest and not sarcastic,which is a long shot
considering that my [et all] previous comments in this thread were happily ignored
and I was very politely(!) told to basically go f. myself )

further assuming that your active vocabulary does include (an even longer shot)
words/phrases like:

-adroitly ,hitherto,impinging,verbiage,thenceforth,sagacity,redolent
-duly startled
-pensiveness
-exultation of the mosleyite Peter
-vacuous and frigid woman, devoid of any feelings
-vainglorious woman, who is not only excessively confident in her pulchritude

It is still a puzzle to me why would your use this particular selection of words.
I wonder how many times, if ever, Chaika used words like pulchritude ,thenceforth, vainglorious during his entire linguistic career?

Anyway,
do you think that using extremely obscure words
contributes to the value of what you're trying to convey or just causes unnecessary confusion?
It's not an automatic natural choice, you keep doing it deliberately.
Why? Just because you can ? Vanity? Masochism ?
I think your excessively flowery language is rather distracting.
Your posts don't sound natural.
They are too complicated and often difficult to parse.
People don't talk like that.
We all should be trying to eschew obfuscation and espouse elucidation )
You would do yourself a huge favour by avoiding these kind of phrases.

But hey,who am I to judge?
Quietly leaving to f. himself

[paveltashkinov]

do you think that using extremely obscure words
contributes to the value of what you're trying to convey or just causes unnecessary confusion?

Well, the problem (at least, you seem to perceive this feature as a problem) is that those words come naturally. I am not spending hours trying to come up with some words that may sound fancy. They simply cross my mind, without me too much thinking about them. Given that the sentence I am about to form is grammatically correct and the words collocate (at least, I can't pinpoint sth incongruous about the way they form the sentence), I would go along with that.

[paveltashkinov]

tourist,
Btw, should you be willing to flick through some reviews on, for the sake of example, Goodreads, you will find many couched in that sort of language akin to mine.)

[Роман Молти]

paveltashkinov, I guess your writing is pretty easy to understand for anyone whose vocabulary is on a par with that of a native speaker. Maybe it's just me, but I don't find it difficut to parse at all. Everything is straightforward. Yes, you use rare words abundantly, but it's probably your personal style.

[tourist]

so you think that as long as your sentences are grammatically correct (they generally are)
and you get your collocations right that makes for a good reading experience?

I agree that book reviews are often prone to the same unjustifiably (to me) flowery style, but
the dozens of your CPE write-ups (in this thread) are not book reviews, yet the style persists .

Роман Молти,
the fact that his messages are understandable to most, but by no means to all, natives
doesn't guaranty the quality. It's just not a natural language, it resembles legalese or technospeak.

correction:
parsing was the wrong term to use, to analyse Pavel's sentences is easy enough, that's true.
But it's still like reading
Гло́кая ку́здра ште́ко будлану́ла бо́кра и курдя́чит бокрёнка )

[Роман Молти]

By the way, I'm not implying that tourist's vocabulary is small. I think he's well-read and thus his vocabulary level is probably above average compared with that of a native speaker. It's therefore surprising that he should have found something obscure in Pavel's texts.

If Pavel wants to get good advice on how to improve his writing, he should ask those competent native speakers who know how to write good texts and who do it for a living. Maybe their advice would coincide with the advice some people have given him on this forum. It would actually be interesting to hear what they could say regarding Pavel's style.

[Mary May]

It's therefore surprising that he should have found something obscure in Pavel's texts.

Роман Молти, as you yourself put it, it's more about Pavel's personal style, and Brits/Americans seem to be much more tolerant of the diversity of styles than we are (my guess).
To my eye, it's all just a matter of taste.

[Mary May]

it's all just a matter of taste.

- that must be the only reason.
Because, so far as I remember, he tends to be very patient with those few who dare to write in English here, being so helpful to them and encouraging all their (often, so clumsy) attempts.
Here, now. As well as on Nina's forum - years ago.

paveltashkinov, about tastes ))
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/2016012 ... s-you-hate
Pavel, you're not the one who needs encouragement. Others are. Most of us are.

[tourist]

Mary May,
thanks for vouching for me )
The reason I'm picking on Pavel's writings
is indeed the lack of people here willing to post In English.
So when a very advanced user like Pavel becomes immune to healthy criticism
it rubs me the wrong way.

Now, to continue flogging a dead horse )

The trouble is, using an obscure word, even if it perfectly fits the point you are trying to make, can cause your writing to fail. Why? Because if your audience doesn’t know the word, isn’t sufficiently curious (or doesn’t have the time) to look it up, or can’t figure it out from the context, they won’t get the message (or, perhaps worse, get the wrong message).

from this blog

good example: read meaning #2 )

[alanta]

I'm more a Reader than a Writer, so to speak) and I've never even tried to pass a C2 exam so you may disregard my comment if you wish.

For me your writing often is hard to read not because of all the rare, obscure words you tend to use, albeit granted -- I do not know many if not most of them. The problem is a) there are too many of them b) because of the a your texts aren't idiomatic enough, or whatever it calls. There's a theory that we think and remeber a language as chunks and phrases, and becuase of that can guess what word would be said next which helps when a speaker speak too fast, or there's too much noise around, etc. When there are too many rare words and the language is too flowery. I have no doubt that your writing and choice of words can impress a native speaker but even for them your texts might seem a bit tiresome. Besides, I've got the feeling that you mix registers sometimes. As someone witout C2 in English I'm used to think that someone passed the exam is supposed to be able correctly apply them in their writing.

P.S. Out of curiosity I went on goodreads.com and read the first of the rewievs (David, Mar 12, 2011). It is flowerly and does contain rare words, and nonetheless it isn't difficult to read.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/133 ... ver_Square

[paveltashkinov]

Speaking about my personal style, as you put it, it seems to persist even on the pages of my diary. Below is an excerpt I am unravelling for the sake of example.


This afternoon, I received a letter from my boss. A couple of days ago J. requested that field engineers prepare their reports, the schedules of their upcoming visits to their customers etc. This I did, having cooped with my sales rep and tested the waters beforehand. What's more, J. commanded that all purchases be approved beforehand.
In his reply, J. thanked me for my comprehensive answer and asked me to describe my working experience in the company I am working for, its pros and cons, and to be honest in my reply.
Is it a red flag? Whatever it may be, I did as was requested. I don't hold any grudges about the guy personally; what worries me most is the state of affairs inside the company. Flexibility, decent salary and people - well, that's good. What gnaws at me is the lack of any meaningful, let alone challenging, workload I've been witnessing throughout this year. I am not ready to permanently relocate to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere, but I would be glad to be sent to long business trip anywhere, if need be.
The trouble with the company I am working for is that we seem to have been replacing some good chemicals with watered-down yet more expensive alternatives. Even more worrying, in my view, is the ever-growing gap between the field personnel and the upper management. The company's focus rests exclusively upon sales and profits, often at the expense of the quality and feasibility of our offered solutions. All those nebulous aims like reaching $X B by 2025 and consistent double-digit growth sound good, but they don't withstand the test of reality. Such is the state of affairs on the market that our competitors often offer better and cheaper solutions.
When it comes to my own needs, I feel that I am lacking some technical trainings. Pretty much everything I know and can do stem from my own experience, curiosity etc. rather than from the company trainings.

[Xander]

They simply cross my mind, without me too much thinking about them.

Or, to put it differently, without you too much thinking about your readers. At least sometimes it seems so.

Given that the sentence I am about to form is grammatically correct and the words collocate (at least, I can't pinpoint sth incongruous about the way they form the sentence), I would go along with that.

And that would be a grammar(& usage)-proofed draft, perfect exercise. Coherent & cohesive & at times quite impressive. But still a draft. You might be missing some major steps when trying (or not trying) to make connections to your readers.

[Xander]

Speaking about my personal style, as you put it, it seems to persist even on the pages of my diaries.


This afternoon, I received a letter from my boss. A couple of days ago J. requested that field engineers prepare their reports, the schedules of their upcoming visits to their customers etc. This I did, having cooped with my sales rep and tested the waters beforehand. What's more, J. commanded that all purchases be approved beforehand.
In his reply, J. thanked me for my comprehensive answer and asked me to describe my working experience in the company I am working for, its pros and cons, and to be honest in my reply.
Is it a red flag? Whatever it may be, I did as was requested. I don't hold any grudges about the guy personally; what worries me most is the state of affairs inside the company. Flexibility, decent salary and people - well, that's good. What gnaws at me is the lack of any meaningful, let alone challenging, workload I've been witnessing throughout this year. I am not ready to permanently relocate to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere, but I would be glad to be sent to long business trip anywhere, if need be.
The trouble with the company I am working for is that we seem to have been replacing some good chemicals with watered-down yet more expensive alternatives. Even more worrying, in my view, is the ever-growing gap between the field personnel and the upper management. The company's focus rests exclusively upon sales and profits, often at the expense of the quality and feasibility of our offered solutions. All those nebulous aims like reaching $X B by 2025 and consistent double-digit growth sound good, but they don't withstand the test of reality. Such is the state of affairs on the market that our competitors often offer better and cheaper solutions.
When it comes to my own needs, I feel that I am lacking some technical trainings. Pretty much everything I know and can do stem from my own experience, curiosity etc. rather than from the company trainings.

This piece is much much better!!!

[paveltashkinov]

Xander,
well, if so, the problem seems to be simply in me not following the register/not giving a damn about my possible readers. The latter point seems to be rather questionable, though, because, for instance, my job reports and emails have never caused raised eyebrows. However, whenever I have to write something less formal, such problems do creep up, as we all have ample opportunities to notice.)

Speaking about that last piece...well, I am entirely at ease with my inner self, I don't have to be trying to make some sort of impression when I am participating in a self-dialogue. Perhaps, therein lies the key to a more smooth and coherent writing style. It's high time I tried to make use of it everywhere, though.

[tourist]

Yes,this email is a reasonably good piece of writing.
It's still got room for improvement,but than nobody is perfect. )
btw, you meant unveiling rather than unravelling,right ?
Anyway,

my job reports and emails have never caused raised eyebrows.

use any of the phrases from my post #254 and watch those eyebrows ))

whenever I have to write something less formal, such problems do creep up

no,buddy,they don't just creep up, they are indispensable part of your "style,be honest )

I don't have to be trying to make some sort of impression when I am participating in a self-dialogue.

sure,except that when you publish it on a public board,dedicated to learning English,
it's no longer a self-dialogue, it's an example of what most people here are trying to achieve.
As an advanced user you do have some responsibilities here.

It's high time I tried to make use of it everywhere, though.

I for one surely wish your luck )

[mustang]

Хехехе, забавно читать посты поддельного Туриста:) об обязанностях Павла перед участниками форума, прямо коммунизм-утопизм какой-то.

По-моему, это полный бакит ов биэс, каждый пишет так, как может (в силу своих способностей, знаний и реального уровня). Не думаю, что Павел делает это специально, просто привык, переучиваться не хочется, а писать простым языком он не умеет, те ему фактически придется заново учить кучу идиоматических выражений и коллокаций и заменять ими высокопарные словосочетания, без которых он уже не мыслит письмо на английском. Сколько их ему надо будет освоить? Тысячу, две, пять? Известно только Павлу.

С другой стороны, то ,как пишет псевдонедотурист, - высший пилотаж. Это, кмк, и есть тот уровень, к которому любому изучающему надо стремиться.

Сообщения написаны четко, читаются легко, язык идиоматичен, слова все сочетаются, и даже продвинутая лексика везде выглядит уместно. Те , на мой взгляд, Павлу надо посмотреть как qwerty пользуется той advanced лексикой, которой он склонен злоупотреблять, вставляя ее куда надо и не надо.

[paveltashkinov]

The two texts cast light on the two diametrically opposite psychological techniques that may help us navigate through the boisterous storms of our lives. Text 1 purports to demonstrate the benefits of positive psychology, whereas Text 2 is concerned with some features of defensive pessimism.

The recently coined term ‘positive psychology’ has drawn criticism over its alleged efficiency. At the moment, the study of positive psychology is in its infancy, and much yet remains to be ascertained. However, even at the current juncture some effects of positive psychology are widely known. To name but a few, focusing on the bright side may contribute to our longevity and mental agility, improve the quality of our social life, as well as enhance the chance of making a valuable contribution to society.

Be that as it may, can the concepts of positive psychology be tailored for everyone’s needs? If that were the case, we would probably have never heard of defensive pessimists. These people always opt to prepare for the worst lest something bad happen to them. From the outsider’s viewpoint, excessive worrying about what may happen and taking excessive precautions may indeed seem silly. For the defensive pessimist, though, it is a salubrious strategy helping muster inner strength and tackle adversity that comes in handy time and again.

In my view, the concepts of positive psychology and defensive pessimism are not devoid of their flaws. Indeed, positive psychology may help us discover some hidden gems among the tedium of everyday life. However, I tend to think that unfounded optimism is a recipe for disaster. We should always keep a cool head and never yield to the temptation of looking at life through the rose-tinted glasses, demonstrating a blithe disregard for the dangers ahead.
Nor, however, should we paint too gloomy a picture of our life. Although defensive pessimism may help us be prepared and deal with hostility if need be, it may put an unwanted strain on our nerves and thus affect the process of decision-making. In my estimation, the most feasible stance seems to be equidistant from the two hitherto discussed approaches, so we need to strike a balance between them.

[Роман Молти]

it is a salubrious strategy helping muster inner strength and tackle adversity that comes in handy time and again.

Is it the strategy that comes in handy? Am I the only one for whom it's not clear?

[paveltashkinov]

Роман Молти,
yepp, it is. Perhaps, I should have used some commas.

[Giraffe]

Hello.
This is my first message here, and below you will find the first attempt to write a report for CPE. It is way longer than it is supposed to be (around 500 words), but many sources say it is allowed to exceed the recommended limit. Perhaps, an abdriged version would be more appropriate, but since it is the first attempt, it should be shown as it is, as it seems.
Could you please take a look at it and point to mistakes/weak points/other things that need improvement? No vocabulary items were looked up in a dictionary, so I guess some words might have been used incorrectly.
Thank you.

The task: You have been asked by your course tutor to produce a report on the positive and negative effects of internet use on the individual. You should examine its effects on the individual's social, intellectual and physical development, and make recommendations for encouraging appropriate use.

The impact the Internet has on various aspects of an individual's life

As required, this report outlines various effects that Internet use has on life of its users, with regard to its role in shaping social engagement, intellectual development, and levels of physical activity maintained. It is based on research into the issue in question and makes use of interviews with 97 adolescents aged 18 to 25. It makes three recommendations on how to encourage people to use the Internet wisely.

Impact on social life

The Internet, which emerged as a means of sharing information, has evolved profoundly over the years. Not only does it provide people with an opportunity to stay in touch with their acquaintances, but it also serves as a system uniting thousands of users who have never seen each other, thus making it possible to meet the like-minded or promote yourself on the global stage. While it definitely has a positive effect on social development of a person by helping one learn more about social interaction with peers, ways to manage difficult situations, and even peculiarities of social engagement in other countries, this impact is invariably accompanied by its detrimental counterpart. Immersed in the digital world, Internet users often become withdrawn and fail to establish or maintain normal relationships in real life, as the interviewees noted.

Impact on intellectual development

One of the unassailable truths concerning the Internet is that it opens the door to a wide range of learning opportunities, regardless of users' age, background or skills. Intellectual development benefits from Internet use to a great extent, which is due to the amount of information available free of charge. From toddlers to the elderly, anyone can enroll in online courses, access numeous materials provided by education facilities, etc. However, access to them may be hindered by the abundance of digital items now considered 'clutter' by users, as the study findings suggest. Were people less caught up in the misconception that posting private photos and other materials online is a merit, it would be easier to navigate the Internet, respondents say.

Impact on physical development

One of the reasons why the Internet is conventionally considered a threat to health is that it provides few opportunities for physical development. Engrossed in what is dislayed on their screens, people often fail to maintain a decent level of physical activity. 75% of respondents reported having less free time, which could otherwise be spent on exercising, due to intensive use of the Internet.

Recommendations

As seen from the effects outlined above, Internet use calls for a reasonable approach implying the following. First, time management is of utmost importance, as it can help optimize the time spent online and dedicate more of it to psychical activity. Reading about such techniques could be of help. Second, people should be encouraged to limit their use of social networks and focus on real relationships instead. This can be done by means of social advertisements. Third, we could organize more activities that would be more interesting than cyberlife.

[tourist]

some minor suggestions:

- [I think/in my opinion] it should be shown as it is. as it seems.
- Internet use has on life of its (the) users
- peculiarities of social engagement interactions in other different countries (repeated: engagement)
- this impact is invariably accompanied by its detrimental counterpart. -> also has negative side effects/undesirable consequences
- unassailable -> undeniable ( unassailable is a bit too.. paveltaskinov-esque to my liking )
- information available free of charge -> easily available information
- from toddlers .. Really? )
- Internet is conventionally often considered a threat to health
- it provides few opportunities for physical development. -> discourage/hinder/prevent physical activities

[Giraffe]

Thank you. 'Unassailable' is used in Expert Proficiency, so it is more or less expected. As to toddlers, it was educational cartoons that were meant - not online courses :) Making it shorter to comply with the recommended limits turned out to be difficult!