CPE Writing

[paveltashkinov]

Write a short (about one-and-a-half to two pages) essay on the topic below.
Your essay will be judged on clarity and overall effectiveness, as well as on topic development, organization, and the range, accuracy, and appropriateness of your grammar and vocabulary. You will have 30 minutes to write on the topic.
Some people insist that the main emphasis in foreign language teaching should be on speaking and writing correctly, while others feel that teaching learners how to communicate and express their ideas fluently should be the main goal. What’s your opinion? Support your ideas with reasons and examples from your own language-learning experience.

Where should the main emphasis in foreign language teaching lie? Should the teaching process be concerned with speaking and writing correctly, or should its focus lie solely on the communicative aspect of the language?
Many people would assert a claim that a person who is believed to have mastered a foreign language should demonstrate exceptional writing and speaking skills. Therefore, it is important that students learning a foreign language be given guidance on these areas of language development in order to achieve the desired level of their linguistic output.
Another viewpoint that seems to be steadily gaining ground states that the drilling of the grammar rules per se would be of little help insofar as learning proficiency is concerned. The now prevalent communicative approach holds that it is more important for learners to get their message across, even if it at the expense of making some occasional slip-ups.
In my view, there is bound to be some middle ground between those viewpoints. I believe that the ideal approach is complimentary. A good case in point is my own experience of second-language acquisition. At the outset of my linguistic journey, I was busy perusing some grammar books and trying to figure out the way the English language works. However, no sooner had I become an independent user of English than the focus of my studies shifted towards speaking and writing in the target language, the task that would not have been possible at the earlier stages. The more I learnt, the easier it became, the more joy I had out of it.
Concluding, although it is vital to have a clear understanding of how a language works, an exceptional knowledge of its grammar rules is not a be-all-and-end-all as far as language proficiency is concerned. Likewise, I think it would be a mistake to claim that fluency is tantamount to proficiency. This common fallacy can be easily disproved. Imagine a situation where a student may have mastered a limited number of lexical items and may be juggling with them with relative ease. However, the number of those items may leave a bit to be desired and therefore hamper communication. As a consequence, only when the balance between the communicative and grammar aspects of the foreign language is struck can the learners benefit the most from it.

[Easy-Breezy English]

paveltashkinov, this is not bad, but note that you "your essay will be judged on clarity and overall effectiveness". Redundancy is the enemy of clarity. I'm going to take the beginning of your text and delete a good part of it without losing any meaning.


Where should the main emphasis in foreign language teaching lie? Should the teaching process be concerned with [teachers focus on] speaking and writing correctly [accuracy], or should its focus lie solely on the communicative aspect of the language [fluency]?
Many people would assert a claim that a person who is believed to have mastered a foreign language should demonstrate exceptional [flawless] writing and speaking skills. Therefore, it is important that students learning a foreign language be given guidance on[in] these areas of language development in order to achieve the desired level of their linguistic output.
Another viewpoint that seems to be steadily gaining ground states that the drilling of the grammar rules [grammar drills] per se would be [are] of little help insofar as learning proficiency is concerned. [in achieving proficiency.]
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Where should the emphasis in foreign language teaching lie? Should teachers focus on accuracy or fluency?
Many people would claim that a person who is believed to have mastered a foreign language should demonstrate flawless writing and speaking skills. Therefore, it is important that students be given guidance in these areas.
Another viewpoint that seems to be steadily gaining ground states that grammar drills per se are of little help in achieving proficiency.

[paveltashkinov]

‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ Under which circumstances might someone not act to prevent evil? What do you think people should do when faced with evil? Support your opinion with reasons and examples.
Write your essay in 450 words.

What does it take for the man to take a stand against the evil? Why do some people let evil happen before their very eyes whilst others resist it?
This question can best be answered when viewed through the prism of the direst humanitarian catastrophe, the Holocaust, and the events leading thereto. The enormity and extremity of the Holocaust put the human nature with all its vices, virtues, and irreconcilable contradictions under the magnifying glass.
During the Second World War, when the Nazis were hunting down the Jews en masse, some brave people across the occupied Europe were trying to give the Jews shelter or help them to abscond and exfiltrate. However, the collaboration with the Nazis was also not uncommon, and the ulterior motives of collaborators can be rationally understood. Some made a deal with the Devil out of fear, some out of sheer stupidity, some out of obsequious opportunism, or out of political naivety.
However, horrifying as it may sound, the scale of collaborationism looks bleak when compared to the duly terrific proportions of the indifference and lack of compassion to the suffering of others shown by ordinary people. Most civilians seem to have turned their blind eye on the ongoing humanitarian catastrophe.
In her magnum opus The Origins of Totalitarianism, Hannah Arendt conclusively shows that this indifference of ordinary people is at the root of totalitarianism. Germany went from democracy to concentration camps in less than ten years. It would not have been possible without the political indifference of the masses that preferred to retreat to their personal lives and to be spoon-fed with a seemingly consistent vision offered by the Nazis. It is so easy to believe the worst, no matter how absurd, in an ever-changing, incomprehensible world where everything is possible, and nothing is true.
Evil exists beyond the realm of our reason. Therefore, what matters is not the evil per se, but how we respond to it. We cannot stamp out evil where we think we see it, yet we can and should listen to the voice of our conscience. Furthermore, it is equally important that we separate the evil perpetrated from the evil inflicted. In so doing, we can shift the paradigm from the concern of what or who is evil towards the best course of action, and act upon it. This, I believe, is what people should do to tackle injustice in life.

(401 words)

[Yety]

might someone not to act

a tipo in the texbook?

[paveltashkinov]

Yety,
I guess so! I must have overlooked it as well.

[paveltashkinov]

A newspaper has asked for reviews of books about famous people that readers would recommend. You decide to send in a review, in which you describe a biography you read recently. You should also say what you liked about it and explain why you feel it is worth reading.

Hitler by Ian Kershaw
Truth be told, it is rather difficult to write a review of a book about Adolf Hitler. To have written this book must be an even more Herculean undertaking. Yet this is exactly what Sir Ian Kershaw is famous for.
Hitler is a thorough (you may expect that of a one-thousand-page book) account of how a bitter, failed art student from an obscure corner of Austria rose to unparalleled power, wrought havoc across Europe, and destroyed the lives of millions. In his magnum opus, Ian Kershaw tracks down and impassively dissects the life of Adolf Hitler, telling a gripping story of the Fuhrer’s childhood, his war experience, the metamorphosis of his bizarre Weltanschauung, his Machiavellianism, and his road to power, paved with hypocrisy and casualties.
Not until Kershaw wrote Hitler had anyone attempted to delve that deep into the morbid psyche of the man who seems to have epitomized absolute evil in our post-Hitlerian age. The sheer scope and comprehensiveness of Kershaw’s book make it stand out amid a welter of its watered-down, less factual and more emotionally tinged counterparts. Although far from being an easy read, the book is coached in a concise, clear language which helps the reader navigate through the twists and vagaries of the narrative, a quality seldom found in historical literature.
Concluding, Kershaw seems to have accomplished what to me seemed impossible. Indisputably, the book is a must-read for everyone with a keen interest in the history of the twentieth century. This veritable masterpiece of a biography was totally worth my time.

[tourist]

Veritable masterpiece, you say, delve that deep into the morbid psyche ?
Yeah,right!
It feels like we're in the middle of a flower fair where someone spilled ten buckets of cheap perfume.
bizarre Weltanschauung, indeed )

This sort of marketing-speak would put to shame any professional blurb writer.
Old habits die hard,innit ? )

Please tell me if my comments aren't welcome.
They (the comments) don't do much for you anyway.

[paveltashkinov]

tourist,
Quite the opposite. I'm taking note of them.)

[tourist]

Why wouldn't you write something in Practise your English then ?
Why do you still have to comply with all these artificial essay format requirements?

You've mentioned elsewhere that you're planning to resit CPA exam,right?
Apparently,your stated goal is to maintain your level.
Man,what a criminal waste of time,money and .... efl-forum bandwidth.
Are you dreaming about getting yet another ксива
or would you rather start practicing the real life language
as opposed to your stifle idea of what it's supposed to sound like ?

I'm really at a loss here ..

[paveltashkinov]

tourist,
I started writing some short pieces in Practise Your English. Guess that's what I'll stick to for the time being.

[Easy-Breezy English]

paveltashkinov, this is quite good. It is well-structured and sends a strong message.

I’d suggest a couple of things, though.
Why don’t you break up every sentence that’s over 30 words long? No need to reduce the word count of the whole essay, though. It’s fine this time.
It might be a good idea for you to keep your sentences under 30-35 words in general.

Also, you might want to try replacing these words and expressions with something simpler:
magnum opus
delve into the morbid psyche
Weltanschauung
Machiavellianism
welter
vagaries
road to power, paved with hypocrisy and casualties (this is a quote, by the way)

Finally, we normally mark book titles by italicizing them. If you are handwriting your essay, use underlining. If all else fails, use quotation marks. Without any of that, this sentence, for example, is confusing because it’s unclear if you are referring to Hitler himself or the book with the same name:

Not until Kershaw wrote Hitler had anyone attempted to delve that deep into the morbid psyche of the man who seems to have epitomized absolute evil in our post-Hitlerian age.

Oh, also, try to avoid words that are too conversational if you general style is more formal. Like in this sentence "totally" after "veritable masterpiece" is jarring. You are not a Valley Girl. ))

This veritable masterpiece of a biography was totally worth my time.

[Easy-Breezy English]

Why do you still have to comply with all these artificial essay format requirements?
...
Are you dreaming about getting yet another ксива
or would you rather start practicing the real life language

Not that I want to make another вброс, but gosh, do I ever agree with you!

It's bizarre to see people struggling to use an X number of sophisticated expressions just to show off their skill. Instead of focusing on communicating their message in the most efficient way. Makes for some seriously convoluted language.
It's kind of like eating in order to demonstrate how well you can digest different food groups.
These language exams are... weird.

[paveltashkinov]

Easy-Breezy English,
road to power, paved with hypocrisy and casualties (this is a quote, by the way)

I doubt that I would be penalized for this appropriation from Francis Underwood. After all, it seems to have come in handy and to have been used quite appropriately.)

As for your other remarks, they're definitely valid, and I've made note of them.

However, wouldn't one expect to encounter such words in a real newspaper? I read different news sources (BBC, Vice, Foreign Policy, amidst a welter of others), and I did come across some expressions that definitely resembled mine. Whether the authors of those articles had an intention of throwing some fancy words around solely for the sake of impression remains unclear, though.

[tourist]

paveltashkinov,
you may or may not be penalized for this appropriation, but the point was
it's not natural.. the author had a reason for his wording, you don't.
Or rather, your reason (desire to include fancy sounding phrase) is not justified.

amidst a welter ...
after having been corrected on welter you've made it even worse by adding amidst
you're moving backwards,mate. )

Whether the authors of those articles had an intention of throwing some fancy words around solely for the sake of impression remains unclear, though.

some do, but the devil lies in the details concentration of those words.

[Easy-Breezy English]

However, wouldn't one expect to encounter such words in a real newspaper?

Tourist has already given an excellent answer to your question, but I'll add my comments anyway...

I like fancy words just fine. After all, they are what separates sprightly writing from mush. The trick, however, is in using them judiciously. If for every nine everyday adjectives you use one uncommon one, it’ll add zest to your prose. But if you put ten obscure adjectives in a row, you’ll just have people scratching their heads in an attempt to decipher your message.

Combine this with needlessly lengthy sentences overburdened with heavy grammar, and you’ve pretty much lost your reader.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I actually like your style. But it always feels like you need a little more control over it. That’s why you can just use this as an exercise – take any of your texts and substitute mundane words for at least half of your fancy ones.

[tourist]

Easy-Breezy English,
even though we're on the same page regarding Pavel's style
when I hear

I actually like your style. But it always feels like you need a little more control over it.

Objection,Your Honour!
The counsellor (BrE) [Easy-Peasy] for the defendant [Pavel] talks like a very gentle girl,like a mother would talk to her toddler son.
Being extremely polite she misses the point.
What the defendant actually needs is a drill sergeant, not a Mother Teresa-ish defender .

[paveltashkinov]

tourist,
Sir, yes, sir!

[Easy-Breezy English]

tourist, ха-ха-ха!!!
Well, I am what I am - a mother and a long-time teacher. :-) Besides, I don't just give Pavel phony complements. I actually enjoy his writing.

"-Как вы думаете, что главное в нашей профессии?
-Главное?
-Да.
- Не знаю.
-Терпение, настойчивость и ...
-Бдительность.
- Ласка.
- Ласка? Как ласка? Что, в милиции ласка?"

("Три плюс два", если кто забыл.))

[paveltashkinov]

Is it getting any better?

Frankly, it is rather difficult to write a review of a book about Adolf Hitler. That said, it must have been even more difficult to write such a book in the first place. Yet this is exactly what Sir Ian Kershaw is famous for.
Kershaw’s ‘Hitler’ tells us a story about how a bitter, failed art student from an obscure corner of Austria rose to unparalleled power, engulfed the world in the inferno of genocide and war, and destroyed the lives of millions. By all means, it is as thorough an account as there can possibly be. (Well, you may expect that of a one-thousand-page book.)
In his magnum opus, Kershaw guides the readers through the life of Hitler. Starting with a gripping story of the Führer’s tumultuous childhood, Kershaw proceeds with an equally superb narration of Hitler’s Great War experience. After that, Kershaw sheds light on the origins of Hitler’s bizarre Weltanschauung, his thirst for power and warmongery. For the rest of the book, Kershaw illustrates the life of Hitler since the halcyon days of the Third Reich to the last days of its Götterdammerung.
What makes this book outstanding is its sheer scope and, quite surprisingly, novelty. In fact, Kershaw seems to have been the first historian who delved that deep into the morbid psyche of the man who still epitomizes the ultimate evil in our post-Hitlerian age, and whose grave legacy affected the political landscape up until very recently. Another point worth mentioning is Kershaw’s style and language. Simple, factual and concise, they help readers navigate through the twists of the narrative, a quality seldom found in historical literature.
Concluding, Kershaw seems to have accomplished what to me seemed impossible. I would recommend ‘Hitler’ to anyone with a keen interest in the history of the twentieth century and the Second World War. A must read.

[tourist]

How is it different from your previous review ?
Oh, sorry, it's been a huge (0.003 %) improvement.
For gods sake,man,stop writing reviews,please.
Write something (anything !) that involves human interactions,provokes discussion, various points of view.
Leave books reviews for ... for people who write books reviews.
Think about the rest of us .. mere mortals.
Jeez...

-seems to have accomplished what to me seemed
-with keen interest in the history... what if my interest is not keen?
-That said, it must have been even more difficult to write such a book in the first place.
What's the point of this sentence?
- why power must be unparalleled ?
-inferno of genocide ... wow, just wow! wordsmithing at its best !
-By all means, it is as thorough an account as there can possibly be. -> Really, can you make it even more complex ?
-magnum opus see above
superb narration/tumultuous childhood / warmongery / halcyon days OMG
-Simple, factual and concise, they help readers navigate through the twists of the narrative ??
What about... language makes it easier to understand the story?
No? Not flowery enough ? I didn't think so. (

PS
did I mention book reviews ?

[paveltashkinov]

The most frequently heard complaints about my writing style seem to revolve around it being turgid and verbose, with readers having to muddle through the linguistic jungle in order to decipher my message.

I didn't have to read further than this. You could have just as easily said "I've been told that my writing is very wordy."
With that said, I actually didn't think your review was bad. It does come across as a bit stiff and verbose, but that's not necessarily atypical of editorials, critiques, etc. Depends on the person.

I seem to be having trouble striking the balance between clarity (simplicity and readability), and my desire to use some complex structures and sophisticated vocabulary

In a professional capacity as an engineer, I've been given a lot of positive feedback on excellent writing and reporting. I have one main philosophy: always be as clear and concise as possible.

I delete as much as possible in editing. If it can be said in fewer words, do it.

There's a time and place for precise verbiage. For example, I recently visited ground zero in Hiroshima. To say that being there is a "sad" feeling isn't really quite accurate. Solemn, somber, or sobering would all be much more accurate.

I think it's always best to go with the simplest option, be it in writing, in design, in programming, whatever. I'd make the case it's actually quite easy to make long compositions with a lot of fluff. It takes real talent to express something precisely but clearly and with brevity.

This is the feedback I got from the natives who I discussed my writing with.

[paveltashkinov]

tourist,
Okay. Below is an example of my work-related writing (a report, to be precise).

Deposit prevention on surface condenser tubes with Ecoeco ABCDE at a local power plant.

Background

Surface condensers are one of the key assets of a power generating plant. One of the most common problems affecting condenser performance is the level of mineral scale. Whenever mineral scale builds up inside condenser tubes and auxiliary equipment, the efficiency of heat exchange is bound to plummet, and the costs of maintenance will exponentially increase. Therefore, proper cooling water management is of paramount importance whenever surface condenser performance is concerned.
HEDP is widely considered one of the most versatile water treatment agents. Nevertheless, if a concentration of HEDP exceeds the optimum dosage, the efficiency of treatment may be jeopardized. An upsurge in HEDP levels may precipitate unfilterable colloidal calcium phosphate on heat-exchanging surfaces. What is worse, this increase of HEDP concentration often cannot be checked off-line by usual means (e.g. sampling and analysis). Consequently, phosphorus compounds can often be found in deposits on condenser tubes and have to be removed mechanically.

Solution
Ecoeco has decades of experience dealing with water-chemistry conditions of power plants. A proposed solution, ABCDE, consists of 50% HEDP and an inert fluorescent moiety tag covalently bonded thereto (10%). This product is a proprietary part of the patented Ecoeco technology. Not only does the Ecoeco technology enable its users to keep their system operational variables in check 24/7, but it also furnishes corrective action recommendations and optimizes the system performance through an automation program.

Results
The implementation of Ecoeco chemical treatment has enabled the customer to achieve a reduction in thermal resistance of a condenser tube and to enhance its cleanliness factor. Consequently, the frequency of periodical chemical clean-ups was greatly reduced, and the efficiency of turbine operation was increased due to the increased vacuum in the condenser. As a net result, power plant output has been increased.

[Easy-Breezy English]

Is it getting any better?

Pavel, this is fine. Even though this essay is not without its problems, I believe it would get you a decent score on whatever exam you are going to take. CPE? I'm not familiar with those tests. I only did TOEFL, and that was quite some time ago. But I didn't prepare for it at all, other then doing a couple of mock tests just to get used to the format.
I was going to ask you - what is your ultimate goal? Do you have any particular reason to take this exam?

[paveltashkinov]

Easy-Breezy English,
I don't really have to retake it. I passed it a year ago and got A.
My goal is to maintain my current level of English (re-circulate whatever I have learnt), and, ultimately, move beyond Level C2, if that's possible.

[Easy-Breezy English]

I see. And what do you ultimately want to do with your English? Do you know?