CPE Writing

Подготовка и впечатления от сдачи экзамена. Помощь в разборе письменных работ. выбор и обсуждение необходимых материалов. Cambridge English (CPE, CAE, FCE ect.), IELTS, TOEFL и другие.

Модератор: mikka

Giraffe
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#301

Сообщение Giraffe »

tourist пишет: 19 ноя 2018, 00:45 - devoid of ... is this some kind of conspiracy?
Why does everyone feel the need to use it in every essay ?
It's listed among the less common lexis, so it's hard to resist the temptation to use it whenever a chance springs up :) It's like 'off the beaten track', which seems to have also become trite.
tourist пишет: 19 ноя 2018, 00:45 -appeal to (a) wide audience
I could not decide on this one when I was writing it. There was an 'a' there, but it sounded strange. I'm still at a loss as to whether it should be used here... Do () mean it is optional here?
tourist пишет: 19 ноя 2018, 00:45 sophisticated venue (?) .. may be media..or did you mean avenue?
It was an attempt to convey the idea that a screen can be a venue - well, a place where a whole host of things can be performed or used, so it's something of a little world in a box with a wide range of possible applications.
Thank you for your feedback. Any recommendations as to whether communicative achievement is decent? Even if you are not a teacher, you are still a reader and can judge it as a reader :)
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paveltashkinov
tourist
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#302

Сообщение tourist »

appeal to (a) wide audience
google books return 206 results without a
but about 15000 with a
I wasn't sure myself,it was just my gut feeling,hence () = optional

venue, in your interpretation .. well, I guess it's possible, just sounds a bit unconventional ..

Communicative achievements .. what are we talking about here ?
This or is it about formal vs informal style?

I guess your ideas are clear,the style is... OK.
You could've stated your view better,with more nuances,
but, given the essay size restriction, I think you've done pretty well.
Giraffe
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#303

Сообщение Giraffe »

tourist пишет: 19 ноя 2018, 01:18 Communicative achievements .. what are we talking about here ?
This or is it about formal vs informal style?
Both, actually.

Thank you for your help.
Giraffe
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#304

Сообщение Giraffe »

Hello. Here is a letter to a magazine. I've never written one before, so I suppose it is far from being satisfactory.
As always, your feedback is welcome.

An English magazine has invited readers to send in letters describing community schemes they either know about or are involved in. You have decided to send in a letter describing a project, explaining why you think it is a good idea for local people, and saying what the project hopes to achieve in the future.

----

Dear sir or madam,
Yesterday, I read an invitation in your magazine to describe a community scheme that is being implemented in our town. In Stargorod, volunteers have recently launched a project aiming at reducing waste. Since this experience can be of use to others, I believe the audience of the magazine will appreciate this submission.

As of this moment, there are many factors which contribute to the high levels of water and soil contamination that are observed in our area. Among these are several landfills and an incinerator. The latter will soon be accompanied by an even larger garbage burning facility, which will reportedly be built in the vicinity of the lake. The decision to construct it was made by the authorities last year, but despite the public outcry it caused, local activists failed to attract the attention of high-profile executives to this problem. What is more, the recycling programme introduced two years ago apparently failed, since the town is overrun with plastic bottles and other litter. Given the scale of the issue and the unwillingless of those in high places to cooperate, it is volunteers who are to take action.

The project I want to tell you about is entitled 'Say no to Pollution!'. This endeavour is an attempt to prevent further damage to the environment. As its name suggests, it implies a set of measures designed to minimize the impact of the currently present factors. First, there is a team of volunteers specializng in recycling. Every weekend, they collect all recyclable materials left outdoors by households - including ours - and deliver them to a recycling facility nearby. Second, there are ones raising awareness and teaching those not in the know how to reduce your environmental footprint. Last but not least, they set up laboratories where you can check the quality of your water.

Suffice it to say, the approach has already proved to be a success. It goes without saying that there is a lot to be done, since the green technologies that are required to counter the detrimental effects of pollution can be used only if support from the government is provided. But even if the volunteers are left to their own devices, their efforts are expected to result in a 4% reduction in soil pollution within two months. I hope that other towns will join us so that we can cooperate and work more efficiently.
Yours sincerely,
(403 words)
tourist
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#305

Сообщение tourist »

I'll start...

- invitation -> better use: request for submission/challenge/proposition ...
sure,the mag invited readers,but what you actually read-wasn't an invitation

- will may/might soon be accompanied by... because of reportedly (we are uncertain)

- garbage(AmE) -> rubbish (BrE) or neutral: waste disposal

- but despite the public outcry it caused, local activists failed to attract the attention of
high-profile executiveslocal authorities/council/powers that be to the problem

- entitled -> called: "Say NO to Pollution!"

- endeavour = attempt (it's like "PIN number") -> better: the goal is preventing further damage ..

- it implies puts forward/proposes a set of measures

-minimize the impact of the currently present factors ... I would rephrase that

- there are ones raising awareness and teaching those not in the know the community how to reduce your environmental footprint

-Suffice it to say ...is it "listed among the less common lexis" as well ? )

again, I only suggested some improvements (in my opinion).
I would write the letter differently but there is more than one way to skin a cat )
Nelli
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#306

Сообщение Nelli »

Dear Giraffe! I really like your letter - I think it has a number of great ideas, good word choice, and structure. I'm always very careful to give advice when it comes to the proficiency level, for there is still a gigantic amount of knowledge for me to acquire, but in terms of grammar I suggest that you look at -ed and -ing participles
Giraffe пишет: 22 ноя 2018, 02:59 volunteers have recently launched a project aiming at reducing waste
and defining and non-defining clauses
Giraffe пишет: 22 ноя 2018, 02:59 there are many factors which contribute to the high levels of water and soil contamination
Exploring these topics definitely helped me to build better sentences. You may also find it useful.
Giraffe
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#307

Сообщение Giraffe »

Nelli, thank you! Now that you have quoted these sentences I see that I should have written 'aimed' and 'that'. I really appreciate your advice and feedback!

tourist, thank you. Your feedback always helps vary vocabulary :)
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#308

Сообщение tourist »

volunteers have recently launched a project aiming at reducing waste
I think that both aiming and aimed are correct depending on who does the actual aiming:
-Project aimed at reducing waste
-volunteers aiming at reducing waste have launched the project.

In this particular case Nelli's suggestion may be preferable, though.
Nelli
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#309

Сообщение Nelli »

tourist пишет: 22 ноя 2018, 22:26 I think that both aiming and aimed are correct depending on who does the actual aiming:
-Project aimed at reducing waste
-volunteers aiming at reducing waste have launched the project.
There is a hard-and-fast rule for modifiers - noun modifiers must touch the noun they modify. If volunteers are aiming, then it should be:

volunteers aiming at reducing waste have recently launched a project ...

If aiming follows project, then it modifies the project - and does so incorrectly.
tourist
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#310

Сообщение tourist »

Nelli,
noun modifiers must touch the noun they modify
OK,fair enough.
The confusion is caused by the potentially (!) misplaced modifier.
Giraffe wrote:
In Stargorod, volunteers have recently launched a project aiming at reducing waste.
As I mentioned earlier,It can be interpreted in two ways :
1. as it stands, then aiming is of course incorrect and should be replaced with aimed
or
2. volunteers aiming at reducing waste have recently launched a project.

The original sentence is a bit ambiguous.
Something is wrong, but what exactly?
Misplaced modifier or incorrect ending -ed vs -ing ?
We can't say for sure what was intended,can we ?
Hence two equally valid logical possibilities.

And in any case, whatever was Giraffe's intention,
I gave Nelli's version the benefit of the doubt for a simple reason-
I didn't even notice the mistake )
Giraffe
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#311

Сообщение Giraffe »

Here is the long-awaited answer to the question that sparked the debate. :) It was the ending that was incorrect. It's an especially embarrassing mistake, since it was something of a slip. I failed to notice it while writing (writing fast often results in funny constructions), and proofreading is usually more like skimming. For some reason, the brain sometimes pays no attention to endings. A mistake of the good old oh-I-knew-it kind. The same thing that often happens while doing key word transformations...
paveltashkinov
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#312

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

An education for life?
It cannot be denied that the most important years which should be spent acquiring academic qualifications are a person’s teens and early 20s. These are the years when the brain is most receptive to new ideas and also when there is the maximum time for learning to take place. Young people are eager to explore new concepts, new ideas that will help them to make sense of the world they live in. If that opportunity to learn is lacking or is not exploited, then there is little likelihood of it occurring again. In later years, other matters tend to become more important, such as a job and a family.
Lifelong learning
The learning process should not be seen as a finite phenomenon, something that can last only for a particular period of time in a person’s life and then stops. How many adults go on courses in their 30s and 40s in order to acquire new knowledge? And how many examples are there of many people in their 50s who seem to be at the height of their intellectual powers? Since the human brains matures over time, developing even more complex capabilities, learning should surely be seen as a lifelong process. Our motto therefore should always be: ‘It’s never too late to learn’.


Knowledge, or acquisition thereof, has always been at the kernel of humanistic principles and propelled humanity forward. The ability to acquire and process knowledge – to learn – drew the line between the forefathers of modern men and their simian predecessors. Continuous learning, then, can be seen as the prerequisite and cornerstone of human society. This is more than true in our modern age when what we know to a great extent defines who we are.
Is the learning process time-bound, or does it have an ongoing nature which manifests itself with our first breath and ceases when we shuffle off the mortal coil? This essay purports to shed light on these mutually contradictory viewpoints.
As a matter of fact, our contemporary educational system revolves around young people – adolescents and young adults. Why is that decade from the teens to the early 20s so important? In the prime of their lives, not only are young people more receptive to new ideas, but they also have ample time to broaden their horizons and learn more about the world. Later on, as young people turn into adults, settle down, land steady jobs, create families of their own, get stuck in a rut, time for learning may become an unaffordable luxury.
This begs the question. Would it be right to claim that education stops as soon as young people have left their commencement ceremonies and said farewell to their alma maters?
Luckily, statisticians have conclusively refuted this dismal viewpoint. Nowadays, more and more people in their 30s, 40s and even well into their 50s are subscribing to various courses to quench their thirst for knowledge and gain new skills. Neuroscience furnishes further evidence in corroboration of the counter-argument, and conclusively muffles the voices of reluctant skeptics who claim that “one can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. According to recent study, our brain is malleable.
We can concede that it might have been easier for us to acquire new knowledge when we were young. Be that as it may, as we age, our brain is becoming more adroit at joining the mental dots, thereby elevating us to the pinnacle of our intellectual powers. What is more, insofar as we are eager to learn new things and put effort into the learning process, we can avoid the intellectual plateau or the much-feared slippery slope to senility and dementia. Furthermore, the fountain of knowledge will dry up unless it is continuously replenished by streams of new learning.
As a German playwright and poet Bertold Brecht aptly put it, ‘Thinking is one of the greatest pleasures of the human race’. I believe that so is learning. Rather than being a simple tool to build our career, learning should be viewed as a key to a better version of ourselves and to living a fulfilling life. Therein lies one of the greatest treasures that learning and education bestow upon us.
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#313

Сообщение tourist »

paveltashkinov,

Running for office,mate ? )
This preaching would put to shame any politician and his ghostwriters/PR managers )

Seriously,I'm really discumgalligumfricated )
paveltashkinov
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#314

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

tourist,
Wish I were!
Is my writing still as turgid and crammed as it used to be, or did I finally write something more...readable?)
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#315

Сообщение tourist »

paveltashkinov,
I'm not going to dissect your post point by point
as I sometimes do when explicitly requested.

It's not quite clear what your goal was...
Writing a killer essay?
Demonstrating your writing skills?
Fishing for compliments?
Fighting boredom ? )
Rehearing the most stuffy speech ever written ?

Anyway,in my opinion this post would probably make a decent essay.
Probably .. because I'm not familiar with essay requirements.

Other than that .. brace yourself.)
Ready?
Here goes..

Your post is extremely bookish and unnatural.
I'm probably repeating myself but nobody in his sound mind would ever
utter things like:
Knowledge, or acquisition thereof, has always been at the kernel of humanistic principles and propelled humanity forward.
or
Is the learning process time-bound, or does it have an ongoing nature which manifests itself with our first breath and ceases when we shuffle off the mortal coil?
in real life.

People just don't talk like that.
Even if the idea was to emulate an academic writing style ... it came across as a rather poor imitation.
Using complicated formulas/structures as :
Neuroscience furnishes further evidence in corroboration of the counter-argument, and conclusively muffles the voices...
or
Therein lies one of the greatest treasures that learning and education bestow upon us.
doesn't make you sound sophisticated.
It makes you sound like ...nkaper for lack of a better word ).

Forget those ridiculous essays.
You've already passed that stage.Congrats.
Write something in Practise your English,instead.
Something that we might find interesting and worthy of discussion.

It's time to move on,buddy )
paveltashkinov
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#316

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

tourist, Thanks for your feedback! Moving on, indeed, sounds like a good idea.
Easy-Breezy English
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#317

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

paveltashkinov, you might want to try the following exercise. You have 585 words in your essay as of now. Try rewriting it in no more than 400, without losing any of the meaning. For example:

Before:
The learning process should not be seen as a finite phenomenon, something that can last only for a particular period of time in a person’s life and then stops.

After:
Contrary to popular belief, learning is a lifelong process.
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#318

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

Easy-Breezy English, thanks for your suggestion!
I've rewritten it and managed to compress it to 402 words.
Verbosity is my middle name.)

Knowledge has always propelled humanity forward. The ability to learn drew the line between the forefathers of modern men and their simian predecessors. Continuous learning, then, can be seen as the cornerstone of human society. This is more than true in our modern age when what we know defines who we are.
Is the learning process time-bound, or does it have an ongoing nature which manifests itself with our first breath and ceases when we shuffle off the mortal coil?
The contemporary educational system revolves around adolescents and young adults. Why is that decade from the teens to the early 20s so important? In the prime of their lives, not only are young people more receptive to new ideas, but they also have ample time to explore the world around them. As they turn into adults, settle down, land steady jobs, create families of their own, get stuck in a rut, time for learning and exploration may become an unaffordable luxury.
However, would it be right to claim that education stops as soon as young people have left their commencement ceremonies and said farewell to their alma maters? Luckily, statisticians have conclusively refuted this dismal viewpoint. Nowadays, more and more people of different age groups are subscribing to various courses to quench their thirst for knowledge and gain new skills. Moreover, the recent advances in neuroscience conclusively reveal that our ability to learn is not age-dependent.
Indeed, it might have been easier for us to acquire new knowledge when we were young. Be that as it may, as we age, our brain is becoming more adroit at joining the mental dots, thereby elevates us to the pinnacle of our intellectual powers. What is more, insofar as we are eager to put effort into the learning process, we can avoid the intellectual plateau or the much-feared slippery slope to senility. The fountain of knowledge will dry up unless it is continuously replenished by streams of new learning. That is why constant learning is important.
As a German playwright and poet Bertold Brecht aptly put it, ‘Thinking is one of the greatest pleasures of the human race’. I believe that so is learning. Rather than being a simple tool to build our career, learning should be viewed as a key to a better version of ourselves and to living a fulfilling life. Therein lies one of the greatest treasures that learning bestows upon us.
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#319

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

paveltashkinov, great job! It reads much better already.
If you want to continue with this exercise, try to write a summary of your text in three sentences. Each sentence should represent a separate point.
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#320

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

Easy-Breezy English,

1. Learning process should accompany people throughout their lives.
2. Adolescents and young adults have the luxury of having some time to build their inner selves, explore the world around them, and pursue their academic ambitions simultaneously, because when they turn into adults, their spare time will be gobbled up by their jobs, families etc. to a duly terrifying extent.
3. Nevertheless, even older people are nowadays striving to learn more, either because their lives without learning would have been unimaginably dull, because they want to keep their mind sharp or because they have more practical purposes in mind, like, to stay afloat amid the boisterous torrents of the modern job market.

To write concisely is more of a challenge than I thought.
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#321

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

paveltashkinov, excellent. Your writing is beautiful. That said, it seems that perhaps you are not quite in control of it, don’t you think? More like the other way – the beauty of words seems to control you and make you lose focus. You need to show who’s boss, right? ))

Look at the last version of your essay. It had three basic points:

1. The ability to learn is what separates humans from animals.
2. Contrary to popular belief, learning is a lifelong process.
3. In order not to lose our ability to learn, we need to remain mentally active, no matter the age.

That all made perfect sense. However, this is how you yourself summarized it:

1. Learning process should accompany people throughout their lives.
2. It is easier to learn at a younger age because you have more time.
3. For various reasons, older people are also trying to keep learning.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but your summary doesn’t quite match your essay, don’t you think?
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#322

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

Also, when writing a summary, try to keep your sentences short and restricted to one idea per sentence.

Nevertheless, even older people are nowadays striving to learn more, either because their lives without learning would have been unimaginably dull, because they want to keep their mind sharp or because they have more practical purposes in mind, like, to stay afloat amid the boisterous torrents of the modern job market.

(Please let me know if my advice is unwelcome. Your English is excellent. I couldn't write like that even if I tried.)
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#323

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

Easy-Breezy English,
Thanks a lot! Your advice is much appreciated. It is always sobering to get some feedback and to look at my writing from the reader's viewpoint.)
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#324

Сообщение Easy-Breezy English »

paveltashkinov, your message needs to be clear and your reasoning easy to follow. People are busy and have short attention span. Have mercy on them.
You can ignore all of this, of course, but this is what I would recommend. Write down your three main points (whatever they might be) in brief, concise sentences. One idea per sentence. This is your basic structure. Stick to it.

Your essay should be in three paragraphs. Each one should have one of your original ideas as the topic sentence. Then add details. For example:

Even older people are nowadays striving to learn more (topic sentence). This is beneficial for various reasons, such as… (details).

Limit yourself to 300 words now. This will force you to get rid of everything that is either unessential or repetitive.
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#325

Сообщение paveltashkinov »

Is the learning process time-bound, or should it be perceived as something accompanying us throughout our lives? The essay below purports to answer this question.
The contemporary educational system revolves around adolescents and young adults. What makes this age group special? At this age, not only are young people more receptive to new ideas and concepts, but they also have ample time to explore the world and establish themselves in life. And they should seize the opportunity to do so. To neglect it now may mean to never be able to get back to it later, when now-adults will prioritize their families and career aspirations over their education.
Be that as it may, does the learning process stop as soon as yesterday’s students said farewell to their alma maters? As the recent trends in education conclusively reveal, nothing could be further from the truth. More than ever before, people of different ages are eager to embark upon a steep learning curve once again. Their desire to quench thirst for knowledge and keep abreast of any changes is bound to pay off. Since our brain is malleable and may develop even more sophisticated capabilities as we age, we should be constantly feeding it with new knowledge.
In my view, learning is more than a simple tool we can build our career with. Rather, it is a wonderful opportunity to unleash a better version of ourselves and to live a fulfilling life. And this opportunity cannot be laid to waste. Unless we do our best to replenish our fountain of knowledge with streams of new learning, it will eventually dry up. Therefore, continuous learning should accompany us throughout our lives.
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